Coffee and Career

Working with kids who come from ridiculously awful backgrounds and who currently live in a detention center because they've made mistakes, well, it can make you think if you let it.

I'm thankful for my life 99.9% of the time, because its awesome, for real.  My current life situation, though accompanied with a little bit of stress and a LOT of debt (or as I like to refer to it, future stress), is a pretty fabulous reminder of just how incredibly privileged I am - and not just because I took a class last semester on privilege.

I get to go to grad school in an AMAZING city full of incredible opportunity. I currently have a field placement that's so fitting I could not write the job description more perfectly myself. The two weekdays I'm not interning I work for the same company I've been working for since I moved to New York - and it allows me to see different schools in different random corners of the city, full of kids from opposite socioeconomic backgrounds (we work with both charter schools and high-end ridiculously expensive private schools attended by Vanderbilts and celebrity children). I feel like I'm drinking in unique experience day in and day out.

Today I was offered a summer internship. My program does not require us to take a summer internship, but I had been looking for something to do here in the city and came across it, and after a few emails, a phone interview, and an in-person interview today, this amazing opportunity was extended to me. This opportunity is INCREDIBLE, if I take it (which I'm almost positive I'll do - just working on the not-having-a-paying-job aspect), I'll be working for the Kings County District Attorney's Office Victims Unit. I'd spend my summer being trained in domestic violence from the legal end and how to navigate that as a social worker.  I'd get to counsel victims of domestic violence while connecting them to services that can help them as they make decisions about their next steps. I'll also be mediating between victims and lawyers, trying to form common goals. Cool huh (plus, ya'll think there might be any adorable single boy interns on the legal side?)

This opportunity is HUGE, and it reminded me that I am SO thankful for the education I've been allowed, solely by grace, to receive  - and I'm thankful God has allowed me to use those skills to help others. I cannot believe the amazing ways he lets me be a part of his plan, and I hope I never lose sight of that. In the end, it's all for him, and without him, I would not be able to have these chances in the first place.

I am also thankful for free coffee. This morning I got an email from Starbucks for a free macchiatto - hazelnut or caramel - to promote their new hazelnut macchiatos.  I stopped to enjoy on my way out of my interview, and it was yummy :) My stomach problems have made me limit my coffee lately, so it had been a while since I'd had some good sweet coffee. Worth the wait.

And they spelled my name right!!! 

An Inconvenient Thanks

This is the first time I've ever tried "linking up" with other blogs, but since I'm in the process of repurposing my writing, I thought this would be a good start.

I live thankful (see here), but it's always nice to take a day to recognize something, or things, specific.

My Injured Foot :( 

I recently went through a lull in which I lost my ability to recognize all of my blessings, and God used this time to mold me a LOT, and he's still working out some kinks that got built up during that time, so today, I'm thankful for inconveniences.

From having my car broken into in Oklahoma City early in the year, to cutting my foot on a stray floorboard nail, I feel as though each day I'm waking up to many unusual inconveniences.  I was getting pretty bitter about it, and I was letting that steal away my joy.  I've been coming out of this funk despite no change in the pattern, but today God really used this to speak to me.

Last night my hot water went out (again) which meant it needed several hours to reboot, so I had to rearrange my morning schedule so I could get up early and shower, then I ended up sleeping fifteen minutes LATER than usual. Not exactly how I thought I'd start my day.

Then, after having to chase a bus an entire avenue block because it had left my stop a minute ahead of schedule, I began to reflect on the JOY that is inconvenience. I couldn't help but laugh through my annoyances.  I challenged myself to note one small blessing for each inconvenience - for each time I lose my umbrella on a rainy day I want to recognize the kindness of the hospital receptionist who gave me a napkin to dry my face.

I feel like God wanted to show me that love does not come easy, and though his love for me is unconditional, I have to be equally willing to put effort into that relationship. I may be showered with blessings, and I may be immensely thankful for them, but maybe he's trying to help me recognize that real-life love doesn't always work that way. When we love people, we can't only love them when the do great things for us, we also need to love them when we're drained. God never stops loving me and blessing me, and I was allowing myself to just let the blessings pour out while I went about my every-day life, but never STOPPING to take a breath and just enjoy it. These minor challenges are forcing me to step back and just praise God for how the good in my life far outweighs the bad, and for that, I am incredibly thankful.

Reflections on Being Thankful

It has been a while since I posted anything.  I can attribute this to a number of factors.

1. I usually only post when something's heavy on my heart. I'm now a social work student, which means there's ALWAYS 200 things that are heavy on my heart, thus making it difficult to choose one.

2. As stated above. I am a social work student, and while not nearly as busy as I expected to be, I'm still pretty busy between field, and class, and oh, my paying job.  I have a lot of downtime, nonetheless, but as much as I love writing, I spend a LOT of hours writing my thoughts, so doing so in my downtime is not as appealing as at other times.

3. I tend to post about things God is teaching me, but I've allowed myself to be distracted from his teaching lately, and this is me being transparent about that.

I'm sure there are other reasons, and for the three people who actually read this on a regular basis, I apologize.

Now that November is over, I do have something that's been on my mind throughout the month.

From November 1st to November 30th, social media was abuzz with THANKFUL posts. Each morning as I sat on my futon/bed watching Full House and checking my phone, I browsed through a number of posts starting with Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, and so on.  The number was followed by something very specific that the person was thankful for. I loved catching up on everyone's gratefulness.  It was wonderful to see so many people recognizing the blessings in their lives and looking for those little every-day things that often go unnoticed.

I did not participate.  I chose not to because, if you look through my status updates on facebook, 99% of my thousands of posts are about something I'm thankful for - though I may not explicitly use the word "thankful."  There's simply no way I would have been able to narrow it down to one a day. Whether it's having the office to myself (the reasons I'm able to post this right now), or getting a free hat and gloves from Kmart, or seeing the smiles on my teenagers' faces, or playing superhero with Brandon and Tyler, or simply enjoying the sounds of that random saxophone player who lives in my building, hundreds of times a day I get a chance to see how blessed I am.

This practice of recognizing blessings is something I've been doing for about six years with a fair amount of consistency.  I read David Crowder's book Praise Habit: Finding God in Sunsets and Sushi, which is a study of the Psalms.  He tells stories about how he learned to recognize the millions of ways in which God gives him gifts throughout the day all day every day.  I started attempting the same, and it changed my life.

When you focus on all of those little things, even on the junkiest of days, you feel pretty amazing.  I must think 100 times a day "Wow, this is really cool," or "Man, I'm so thankful for this opportunity," or whatever.

Already today, for example, I've recognized the following:

1. My 2.5 mile walk to work = built in exercise
2. Nat King Cole Christmas music
3. Crossanwhiches
4. I DONT live in a detention center
5. I get to work in a detention center
6. I hang out with some pretty amazing kids all day
7. My supervisor doesn't make me want to jump out a window
8. I have an amazing amount of sustained focus in Grad school that's totally new to me
9. Full House
10. Chi blowdryer
11. My iPhone
12. The beautiful view when crossing the 145th Street bridge.

Just to name a few.

I hope that posting thankful posts throughout November helps everyone to realize how thankful they are every day year round. Makes every day bright and sunny :)

Reasons to Wake Up in the Morning

I'm the kind of girl who likes to live for a purpose. This is easy when I'm actually busy. You know, when I'm working 60-70 hours a week, having a social life, being around the kids I love, singing at my church.

Aside from those things though, a girl can get lost in the endless supply of mindless activities  that leave one feeling kinda funky.  And not cool music on a Tuesday night at the Maple Leaf kinda funky, but the other kind of funky. The kind where you can forget to take showers because you have no place to go for a few days kinda funky.

So anyway, being out of my normal routine and trying to establish a new one has been more difficult than I thought it'd be this summer.  Assuming I'd find a steady source of income, I moved in with my parents back home to save some money. What resulted was a summer full of unsteady work, no money, and endless hours at the gym because really, if I'm going to spend my mornings watching "Say Yes to the Dress," I might as well be on the treadmill while I do it, thus increasing the chances that I might one day get to look nice in one of those dresses myself (or so I tell myself).

Typically the most exciting part of my day involves heading over to a friend's house, where talk about life and I get to play with her kids. Maybe if I get really lucky, the baby will poop and I'll change a diaper, thus giving me a hint of a purpose for about twenty seconds.

While itching to get back to NY, I'm trying to embrace this "vacation."  The little bit of work I have gotten involves listening to free live music by some of my favorite artists, so that's kinda like vacation, and then I babysit in a really cool neighborhood.

Today I decided to stop moping, and start embracing life Danielle style again. Refusing to give into the funk.  I've been gifted with this amazing ability to see all of the amazing little blessings God gives us EVERY day, but lately I've been brushing those blessings aside and asking for more.  Never being satisfied.  This is not cool.

So today, I had one of the most "normal" days I could have for someone who has no job and no kids to take care of.  I went to the New Orleans Museum of Art, as it was free day today.  I spent about fifteen minutes in the guest shop enjoying THIS book. I packed a bag lunch with peanut butter and jelly, some terra chips, and two oreos, as well as a VIA packet of the Starbucks refreshers and sat by the ducks in City Park while watching young families stroll about and not feeling the least bit jealous.  I took a stroll through the sculpture garden, which, fyi, IS free and is not part of the standard admission to the museum (as I had previously thought).  I finished off my nifty little day in the sunshine by trying a snoball place I hadn't tried before, and being pleasantly satisfied to find out that it was ranked as one of the most crowded places to spend an afternoon for a reason (and I EMBRACED the long line, enjoying the satisfied look of teenagers enjoying snowballs on the sidewalk, and dad's buying cotton candy flavored treats for their kiddos).

Today I was reminded of how I prefer to view life.  Rather than always seeking the next opportunity, I had to step back and embrace the day.  Yes I'm ready to start grad school, but I'm vowing to take advantage of the time I have now - as I won't have much time to enjoy the little things once paper writing takes over. I'm taking the Francie Nolan approach to the next month, and despite the fact that Im not watching the trees grow in Brooklyn, I'm really having a heck of a time enjoying the moss-covered vines of New Orleans.

"Dear God, let me be something every minute of every hour of my life. Let me be gay; let me be sad. Let me be cold; let me be warm. Let me be hungry...have too much to eat. Let me be ragged or well-dressed. Let me be sincere- be deceitful. Let me be truthful; let me be a liar. Let me be honorable and let me sin. Only let me be something every blessed minute. And when I sleep, let me dream all the time so that not one little piece of living is ever lost." - Francie Nolan, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn

What do you Mourn?

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted"- Matthew 5:4

Today at our fellowship meal, there was a cinnamon stick in my plate, which apparently meant I'd won a prize (It's Graffiti, we do things a little differently). I got to pick from a stack of books, and I chose a thin Bible study guide to the Sermon on the Mount.

Tonight, in an effort to boost productivity, I went to the Whole Foods conveniently located two blocks north of my current living space. There, I separated myself from distractions while searching and applying for jobs. In order to best make use of my time, I decided to open the new study guide I received today an began studying.

I've read this verse a thousand times before, and I always thought Jesus was solely referring to people who were in mourning over some personal loss. You know, his glory is magnified in our weakness kinda thing. We'll be blessed by his comfort, yada yada yada. Not that any of that isn't true, but tonight I realized there's something even deeper going on here.

A popular worship song holds the line "Break my heart for what breaks yours, everything I am for your kingdom's cause." As I read this verse tonight, I realized that the mourning Jesus is referring to is a mourning brought on by a heart that breaks for his cause.

God's not asking us to walk around saddened and depressed all the time. He's asking us to open our eyes. Look around you. What opportunities of service are you missing out on? What are you not praying for? Living in a major city brings daily opportunities for me to see needs and pray about ways I can meet them, the challenge is simply being diligent enough in my prayer life to ensure that I am seeing these things.

As anyone who knows me is well aware, my heart breaks deepest for issues involving kids, particularly teens with sever disciplinary issues and behavioral disorders. I often catch myself praying for random kids on the train, reading articles about crimes committed by teenagers and praying for the criminal himself alongside the victims involved, that sort of thing. I pray that God will continue to open my eyes to ways I can personally impact the lives of these kids, so much so that I'm furthering my education to work toward that cause.

It is so important to realize that our present circumstances are strategic. God does not randomly assign people to things. He has tasks, and he so willingly lets us be a part of making things happen even though he doesn't really need us.

So as our heart breaks for things, and we mourn for things, we must humble ourselves and realize that, though we are not needed, God allows us to be a part of his plan, and we should be seeking opportunities to take advantage of that. Is there any more incredible form of worship?

In my own life, it is the recognition of things that are breaking the Lord's heart that allow me to mourn, and then be blessed in return. I cannot express the rewards I've experienced so far in my work with these kids, and the fulfillment I get knowing that God's using me to be a part of it.

So I ask you: What do you mourn? What breaks your heart? What are you doing about it?

If you don't know, pray. God will reveal things to you that you never dreamed. Allow him to break your heart for what breaks his.

I am not perfect, and I know there are plenty of things I am overlooking, but I earnestly seek his guidance and hope that he will show me the path to be best used to bring him glory.

Please share ways that God is breaking your heart, using your gifts, etc. so I can be in prayer for you.

30 Red and Pink Balloons

Though I've been single on Valentines Day for twenty five straight years, last year marked another reason to sit back, reflect, and celebrate this day... and it has nothing to do with romance.

On this day last year one chapter in this epic page turner I live ended, and I moved on to a new one. It's been quite the journey on this life I never planned.

In the past year, I've been on stage with some of my favorite artists, I've lived in one of Chicago's finest neighborhoods (as well as one of New York's), I've moved out of an apartment I thought I'd be in for the remainder of my time in NYC, I've made decisions about my future, I've cleaned up bad decisions from my past, etc. etc.

I can't say I'm disappointed. I wake up each day honestly never knowing what's going to happen next, and I try my hardest to take the time to see how God is blessing me through each unpredictable day.

So as I walked through the streets of Washington Heights carrying 30 red and pink balloons today, I couldn't help but laugh and smile and realize what a crazy life I live, from riding in cabs with major music/TV stars to putting band-aids on two year old hands. Though none of this is anywhere close to where I pictured myself being at this stage in life, I am enjoying the ride, being completely blind to where the next turn will take me.

I leave you with a clip of one of the strangest songs from one of the creepiest shows I know, Yo Gabba Gabba. This plays on repeat sometimes now that I'm living with kids under five (and the balloons today had it stuck in my head). I warn you, it will be stuck in your brain:

Pumkin Spice Lattes The Good Word

In the madness of starting a new job, I've also had to create for myself a new routine. In said new routine, it's especially important to pray through how my time with the Lord can be best spent. He's provided me with the time to spend, and I need to steward my time in a way that I can both keep my job, and more importantly, grow daily in my relationship with him.

This balance is crucial, in that I am on a trial period with my job, and it's not just a trial period for them to test me out, but also for me to see if this is truly where God wants me for at least the next ten months of my life. but more on that later.

What I wanted to share most, is the ABSOLUTELY RADICAL AMAZINGNESS I read while enjoying a pumpkin spice latte last night (ahhhh, fall!). I took myself to starbucks so I'd be removed from the distractions of work and my apartment. It's a routine I plan to work into my routine, even if it doesn't include starbucks (considering the only time of the year starbucks is my preference is during the fall when the pumpkin spice is in full force)

Have you ever had one of those moments where you were diggin through the word and you just wanted to stand up where you were and do a little dance because you were so pumped up and charged by the passages before you. That was me, last night. These moments rock my world.

I marinated in the words of Titus 2:11-14:

"For the grace of God has appeared bringing salvation to all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in this present age, waiting for our blessed hope, then the appearing of the glory of our Great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for his own possession a people who are ZEALOUS for good works."

Retyping that, just blew my mind again. Dude, GAVE HIMSELF FOR US so we will be ZEALOUS for good works. What?! He wants us to live upright, self-controlled, and godly lives while we WAIT for him and his glory. really

take

that

in

don't read this lightly. In digging deeper last night, I came to know that the Greek word for waiting connotes eagerness. It's not like when I'm waiting on the train for work, its like, when I'm waiting from the time of the superbowl/BCS national championship games to the time when the first ball of the season is kicked off in the late summer/early fall times infinite numbers of awesomeness.

SOOOOOOOOO MUCH BETTER.

we are waiting on the GOD OF THE UNIVERSE. This big dude, who knows more than we will ever ever every understand, comprehend, or pretend to know. Things we could never wrap our mind around. He's coming to bring us into his fellowship. Like, for real. Take that in. and in the meantime, he wants us to be CHANGED by his promise.

Like, what is salvation if we don't let it soak us up. Why on Earth would we want the things of this Earth when we can be friends and live in community with the most infinite, unimaginable, greatest person who ever walked this earth. Like, think about this. Really think about it. I read this stuff every day, and sometimes I get complacent, but when I truly sit in amazement. WOW.

you'll prolly want to dance around a starbucks too.

This is How We Do it Where I'm From

Sugar Overload

When I return to New York, I am going on a full detox. Nothing but fruits and veggies, fresh ones, for two weeks....

or something like that.

Before heading down here, I started to notice that I've been really inactive and really unhealthy lately, which is strange, cuz I'm usually overly active and overly healthy.

So I decided it was time to try to fight the cold, deal with it, and get back into a routine. Somehow, someway.

Then I realized I was headed to Louisiana. And upon my arrival, I shoved down two pieces of king cake. This has since been followed by a series of delicious baked goods, and fried delicious food I can't get in New York.

I have now decided I'm going to eat whatever I choose to this week, even though it makes me feel like crap, because it tastes good.

And maybe I'll go for one of my long uptown runs to celebrate, or a nice run down the levee tomorrow in Baton Rouge. Who knows.

I'm LOVING vacation time in New Orleans. I cannot even describe. It feels so nice to be in a stress-free zone, with nice weather, and good food. It's kinda hard to think about how I could be here enjoying it, not fat, and not broke. THEN I am reminded that the Lord knew exactly what he was doing when he moved me to New York, and I am more than thankful for that.

SOOOOOOO I am excited about all of the things God is doing in my life. I am also super thankful that he brought me up in such a wonderful, unique, culturally enriching place. I don't know if it's in his plans that I come back here one day, but if it is, I would in no way be upset about that.

I shall now go and enjoy snowballs and king cake and all of the sugary goodies my mom has in the kitchen.

Some Fish and some Loaves of Bread...

I love watching the Lord provide, and sometimes, I don't even see where his provision comes from, therefore, I KNOW it is him, which is cool.

Basically, I somehow managed to pay my rent for November, and eat the entire month of October, and buy a metro card, and go home, and take off three days of work, and not do ANY outside work, or get any random checks from Jefferson Parish, and pay for fingerprinting with the DOE, among many other things. NOT TO MENTION, my job alone, if working all of my shifts 100%, doesn't even cover rent + metrocard by itself (so basically, I've never survived without outside jobs or help), but, SOMEHOW, I only had to borrow $100 to cover the rent at the beginning of the month. I've looked over and over and over at it, and I still have absolutely no idea how I managed to pay for anything. but I lived comfortably this month and am completely amazed at how this happened!

It's kinda like that whole "Feeding the 5000" story. The Lord has managed to stretch out resources so they somehow seem to go much farther than they appear to be able to. Cool stuff.

I have the best life

My life is awesome.  Really.  Today I was stressed and hot and sweaty and gross most of the day (and all I did was go to church twice).  Even in the heat and stress, I was reminded of how amazingly blessed I am to have been called to a corner of the country that brings me such joy, or is it that I experience said joy because I'm following a calling?

I do a lot of walking these days.  There are a number of reasons for this. 

One: I am trying to get exercise.  I left my good sports bras dirty and sweaty hanging in the bathroom in Puerto Rico.  This prevents me from going on my daily runs, and seeing as how I am broke, I don't know when this problem will be fixed. 

That leads me to reason two.  

I am trying to avoid buying unlimited subway passes, which means I am trying to avoid using the subway at all. I walked to Graffiti today, and the time I got to talk to God and experience the streets of New York was worth the nasty sweat that covered my pretty blue shirt by the time I arrived on East 7th street. 

Again tonight, I decided to take a walk.  I went to church with my roommate on 22nd street in Chelsea.  After good teaching and great music, Cassy got on the train to go home, and I decided to walk to fourteenth street and do some thinking (and, I admit, some job hunting).  

Reason three for walking everywhere: the reflection time.  iPod in tow or sans iPod, depending upon the mood, there is something about strolling around the streets of New York that opens my brain to beautiful thoughts.  It gives me time to converse with my Lord, and learn from him.  I get to people watch.  I love it. 

Walking around today reminded me of how great my life is.  I cannot imagine being happier, despite being completely jobless and running low on money.  I am finally at a very content point in my life.  I'm pursuing my version of the American Dream: being a broke single woman in her early twenties who lives in a big city and somehow finds ways to fund unique experiences, all while serving the Lord and helping those around her.  

This is the life.