In my last post, I talked about how much I loved my job.
I now have a different outlook.
It takes all of the willpower and faith that I have to get up and go to work every day. These kids truly don't care, and no matter how much care I pour into them, Im still ending the nine weeks grading period with more Fs than I could ever imagine. It's depressing, and it makes me feel that I am not doing my job right.
The thing is, I'm doing EVERYTHING I possibly can. I worry about how some of their grades have dropped so dramatically after the last nine weeks, and that I might be my fault, but I truly am doing all that I can do to get through to them. I have pulled out all the stops.
I don't like being responsible for 150 people all the time. It's exhausting. My blood pressure is through the roof, and my blood sugar is through the floor. I'm seriously exploring new career paths, including a new path to New York this summer.
This whole working at a low-income, underperforming school is not all happy Hillary Swank, Michelle Phiefer and roses. It's hard, and it's not about the teachers, at all. I need a new job. Today.