Tales from the inside: What outsiders should consider when relating to us single people

I really don't know how I'm going to fit this all into a decently-concise blog post. It actually may take a few tries and edits before I publish, because frankly, it's a topic about which I have many feelings. So while I sit at home alone on a Friday eating Ben and Jerry's from the pint and debating whether or not to order Dominos, I'm going to use this time to voice some things that have been on my mind.

First of all, I'm not writing 100% original material here. I've noticed a lot of great articles and blogs out there on this topic in recent months, but I've decided to present my own perspective on it because, if I'm being honest, I really like having an opinion. And I like reading my own opinion. And I like hearing your thoughts on my opinion. So indulge me.

I've been single for a LONG time. Not just "not married" single, but like, straight-up no-boyfriend, I-don't-even-need-a-whole-hand-to-count-the-dates-I've-been-on single. When it comes to writing about what it feels like to be an "insider" on the single-people demographic, I'm one of the world's leading experts.

So here are a few of my thoughts on things that you not-so-single folks should consider when relating to us. (DISCLAIMER: I also recognize that this blog-post will most likely be seen by more single people who are looking for a reason to say "Amen" than by people who need to are reading it to know what not to say, but whatever, I'm always looking for "amen" articles myself).

Don't say "You just have to put yourself out there more"

What does that even mean? What exactly is "putting yourself out there?"  I honestly don't know. If one of you could ever ACTUALLY explain what this meant, maybe I'd be willing to scratch this off my list, but when I press for a "how" I'm usually met with a lot of "uhhh.... hmmm....ummm..." reactions. As a Christian woman looking for a man who is going to pursue me in a Godly fashion, I'm not exactly into the whole "Let's go out to the bar on a Thursday night and get some phone numbers" technique (is this still even a thing? I'm not sure). I mean, I love a good happy hour as much as anyone else, but I'm not about to just go out, let someone judge me based solely on the most shallow of qualities and then decide if they'd like to get to know me more, PLUS how do I know they're Christians? So what exactly is this "putting yourself out there"?

My only guess is that perhaps you mean we could go to some of those Christian singles events, but, sadly, in my experience, most of those things are full of people much older than I am. I don't know why that is.... I also think my own insecurities about being skeptical of just about any guy I meet who seems interested in me despite the fact that we don't have a ton of mutual friends who've already talked me up or we haven't just had the world's most meaningful conversation probably play into this pretty heavily. Plus, there's something inherently uncomfortable to me about going to an event that is designed solely for the purpose of people meeting people to date (even if they frame it as an event just the hang out - we all know why we go to these things).  It's like going to an audition, and awkwardly knowing that every person of the opposite sex you meet there is judging your datability.

All that to say, if you can define "putting yourself out there," maybe I'll take your suggestion, but since none of you seem to be able to do so, keep it to yourself. You're only making me more frustrated.

On that note:

I'm tired of explaining to you why I haven't tried online dating

Exception: if you found someone this way, you are allowed to bring up this one. Obviously.  But MOST of the people who bring this up are people who didn't find their boyfriend/husband/girlfriend/wife this way. They didn't even have to give it a shot.

I have my own personal reasons for not going the online-dating route at this point in life, but that's another blog post for another day, but I'm tired of having to explain this to people who probably wouldn't have tried it had they been in my position themselves. There are plenty of single people who have tried online dating, and so maybe this one doesn't apply to them. Maybe they don't mind talking about it, but then again, if they're single, and they've tried it, it may be a sore subject, because maybe it didn't work... I don't know. This one's messy. But you get the point.

I'm probably not looking for your advice, I'm looking for someone to hear me out

Sometimes, we just need to vent.

Sometimes, I just need to rant and rave and cry for hours about, oh I don't know, the guy who is just perfect for me in every single way and everyone seems to know it but him (this is a real person btw, but I'm not even gonna go there right now). Sometimes I just need to go off about how absolutely absurd it is that I only ever get asked out by people I'd never go out with, and even then it's like, once every two years. Sometimes, I'm just tired of being ALONE when this is on my mind, and I just need someone other than the teddy bear I've had since third grade to hear me cry about it. We all have things in life that frustrate us, and we all need to just get it all out there sometimes.

The number one thing I've learned in social work school is that social workers are never supposed to give advice. Our main goal is to normalize feelings, and to be a sympathetic ear (seriously, easiest job ever). This same thing really should apply to our friendships. Unless being specifically asked for advice, don't offer it. I just need you to say "You know what, you're right, it's tough." I have a friend who's gotten really good at this. She and I are in very different places in our lives, but I know that at any time I can text her and just say "I'm really frustrated today over this situation" and go off on a rant about it, and her response is usually something along the lines of "I can see how that could be very frustrating. I will pray for you to feel better." Sometimes, that's all we want to hear. In return, I'll gladly listen to you on a day when you need to vent over how frustrating apartment hunting is, or infertility, or whatever your current situation might be.

While we're on the "don't give me advice" subject:

If you got married before you were 25, stop trying to relate to the waiting period

I mean that. I know it feels like an eternity. I remember being that young and still feeling like it was an eternity. But it's not. So don't try to offer me tips on how you got through it.

I recognize that there are women who are older than I am now who are saying the same thing about me, so if I get married any time soon, I vow to stop trying to relate to peole in their thirties who are still waiting it out. Because I won't get it... thought it this rate, I'm likely goign to be one of them so...

We still want to be your friends too

At this point in life, the majority of my friends are coupled up. I've been a third, or fifth, or seventh, or ninth wheel pretty much since I was twelve. I'm pretty used to it at this point.  I cannot tell you how heartbreaking it is when you find out your friends have all gone out as couples and you were not invited. If you're going out on a date, that's one thing, but the second you start inviting other couples along, you're making it a friend thing, a gathering, and we want to be a part of it. I promise, you're not making me feel awkward. I get that sometimes there are appropriate reasons to have couples events, just like there are appropriate reasons to have singles events, but please don't leave us out just because you're going out as a couple and invite another couple. I'm perfectly fine with being the cumin if it means I get to hang out with awesome people (though I prefer to think of myself more as a can of Tony's).

Think about it, unlike you, I don't have a built in partner with whom to do things. Couples tend to be people who at least enjoy the same activities for the most part. This way, when you're like "Omg, my favorite band is coming to town," there's a good chance you've got someone to go to the show with. Or when you're like "I've always wanted to go for a picnic in Flushing Meadows," you can turn to the person next to you and ask them to tag along. For us, it tends to be more of a stretch to find people, especially us big city people. The more opportunities you give me to spend with other people, the better, so I don't mind if that means being the only single person there. Is that ideal? no, but I'll take it. As the adventurer I am, I've gotten really good at going out my own to do things I've always wanted to do and not worrying about doing it alone, but unless I'm in one of my moods where the purpose of my outing is to reflect and pray and enjoy just being me and God, I'd 99.9% of the time rather have someone to go on that adventure with me. (on a side note, I'm working hard to overcome some of my own social awkwardness in the area of inviting people to do things so I don't have to do them alone, and I think I'm making ground... but again, another post for another day).

Please don't tell us "It'll come when you stop looking for it/least expect it"

Please reflect upon your own life and find a time in which you "stopped looking" completely. Did that ever happen?

Didn't think so.

I hear it all the time. "Oh, I had stopped looking and then there he was." What because you were like, a junior in college and decided it was too early to settle down anyway so you decided to focus on school? Right. that's the same.

We're always looking. We can't help it. I had a time in my life where I went on a "romance fast" and made a conscious effort to not look, to not surround myself with any sort of romantic movies or books, and to catch myself every time I started thinking of a guy as a potential mate and pray that I wouldn't instead - and yes, it taught me a LOT, and was one of the most valuable experiences in my spiritual life to date, but it still didn't change the fact that deep down I kept thinking "Well, maybe right now while I'm 'not looking' he'll come along."So really, was I not looking?

We're never not looking. We're never going to be not looking.

Sometimes, we just need a hug

Very often, we may go days or weeks in which the only physical contact we have with another human being is on a crowded subway. I never could quite put my finger on why this was weird until I read someone recently who said that it can make you feel like you aren't human. Best explanation of that feeling ever. Sometimes, you just need a hug, or someone's arm around your shoulder to feel like a physical being.

Personally, I'm convinced physical touch is one of my love languages, so this is a huge one for me. It also, on the flip side, is the reason I can be very particular about how I give and receive hugs. That said, sometimes I just need a hug, even if I'm in the best of moods, just to be reminded that I exist.

"Freedom" is scary

I wrote a whole post about this over a year ago. You can refer to it if you really want details on what this means.

Often, people who are married and have kids are all "You're so lucky, you can just move wherever and do whatever you want whenever you want." Okay, that's a legitimate point, but I promise you, I'd trade in that freedom any day to know that I'm needed in someone else's life on a day-to-day basis. Again, refer to previous post.

We want to be included in your conversations. 

I was once at a weekend long wedding celebration for the wedding of one of my closest friends from college. She had a small wedding, and I was a bridesmaid. Over the course of the weekend I realized that I WAS THE ONLY PERSON THERE WHO WAS  NOT MARRIED OR ENGAGED. What this meant was that every conversation we had while arranging flowers, getting pedicures, whatever, was about wedding-planning and men. I had absolutely zero to contribute to the conversation. I was supposed to stay in town the night of the wedding and continue to hang out with everyone one more night, but instead, as soon as the wedding was over I hopped in my car and drove to my cousin's house a couple of hours away - crying like a madwoman because I could not stand one more conversation about something I had no knowledge of.

That's an extreme example, but it is not far-off from the types of things that often happen when you're the only person around who isn't at a particular life-phase. Sometimes, it's conversations about babies - and if I try to bring up stories from babysitting, or cousins, or whatever, just let me do it - it's all I've got. And when you're talking about male-female relationships and I bring up a guy friend of mine who acts a certain way, indulge me despite the fact that I'm not talking about a significant other- because it's really all I've got. I've talked to a lot of my single friends who've dealt with these same issues of feeling like an outsider in conversations about kids and spouses. So indulge us, or change the topic.

Why do we treat the pain that comes with childlessness as legitimate concerns, but we treat the pain that comes with singleness as a lack of faith?

Seriously. When someone is crying to you because she's been trying to conceive and has been unable to for whatever reason, or she's suffered a miscarriage or two, we mourn with these women. Legitimately so. It's tough.

But whenever someone is crying because she so desires to be someone's wife, it's like "Oh, God has you waiting for a reason," "Be content in just Jesus right now," etc. C'mon, seriously? So instead of validating our feelings you're going to also make us feel like we're lacking in our faith? Great. I appreciate that. I'd like to remind you that most of us who are single are also childless, and we're not having any babies anytime soon either, out of circumstances totally beyond our control, so it's like, double whammy. I'm 27, which apparently (or so I hear from some legitimate scientific source somewhere that I'm not going to bother citing right now because it's 12:13 am and I'm tired), is the peak year of fertility in a woman. Scientific source or not, I know what's going on in my body. My hormones very much know I'm supposed to be making babies right now. I can smell out small children like The Witches.  I see babies on the train, at work, wherever... and I have to consciously remind myself that it is not okay to ask a stranger to hold their baby. Seriously. There are a bazillion crazy things going on with my hormones right now - suffice it to say, I understand the pain of the infertile woman. I am one. Just for different reasons, and at the end of the day, I don't even have a husband to cry to about it.

Stop demeaning your spouses

Pop culture already does a good job of making marriage seem like a burden. I don't need you to buy into that and try to sell it to me - like the guy trying to sell me his home-produced rap CD on 14th street - you're wasting your time, I know better.

I read a great blog post by an acquaintance of mine about how men are portrayed to be idiots by so much of our culture. It's kindof what inspired me to go off on this little rant tonight, because I was thinking of how frustrating it is every single time someone tells me "men are a pain, you don't want one," and then I started thinking about all of the other things people say that make me crazy.

Seriously though, every time a married woman complains publicly about her husband, my heart breaks a little. No, I do not expect to marry someone who is perfect and who fulfills my every longing - because that's way too much to expect of any human being and we weren't created for that, BUT, how disrespectful is it to say something negative about your spouse to other people? I have a friend who makes sure everyone on facebook/instagram knows every time her husband pisses her off. I can't even wrap my mind around that. Even if 90% of the time you're posting praise about your spouse, if that other 10% of the time you're complaining about them, then you need to re-evaluate what you're posting publicly.

Certainly, my friends need to vent their frustrations now and then too, and I get that. I had a friend just the other day asking me to pray for her as she's going through some physical issues that are, in turn, causing her to take out her frustrations by being incredibly annoyed with every thing her husband does. This is life. We are people. These things are to be expected, but my friend didn't text me and say "Oh, be glad you aren't married, my husband is driving me crazy. You don't want one of these." There's  a BIG difference between those attitudes. NOTHING BOTHERS ME MORE THAN FOR ONE OF MY MARRIED FRIENDS OR FAMILY MEMBERS TO TELL ME HOW MUCH I SHOULD ENJOY BEING SINGLE BECAUSE HUSBANDS CAN BE A PAIN. Every time I want to say "So you're telling me that in all seriousness you'd trade your husband right here and now given the chance to be single again and make your own decisions about life and not have anyone 'annoying' you?" If the answer to that question is "yes," then these friends have deeper issues and should be in couples counseling - and I don't mean that as an exaggeration, that's a legitimate concern. Thankfully, most of my friends do not ACTUALLY feel that way, but I wish they'd stop telling me that. It's not comforting. It doesn't make me more grateful for my current experience. It makes me frustrated and annoyed that you don't appreciate this gift you've been given.

AND, Speaking of gifts.

We know singleness is a gift. You don't have to remind us all the time. 

Every sermon on singleness, so many articles about it, and many conversations you have with coupled up friends all love to point to the fact that Jesus was single, and Paul was single, and what do you know, Paul even wrote about how being single is gift n stuff. Yup. We know. And we embrace it, seriously. Speaking for myself, I've definitely come to terms with the fact that I'm in a very unique period of my life and I should embrace it. If you know me, and you don't think I'm embracing it, I implore you to browse my instagram (@danielleinthecity) - I document everything. THAT SAID, having THIS gift doesn't mean I don't long for a different one.

Trendsetter

When I was in fourth grade I asked for a Starter jacket for Christmas. It was a cool jacket at the time - and apparently I was a Hornets fan way before they came to New Orleans and subsequently became the Pelicans (which is an awesome mascot, btw). I got the gift I'd asked for. I loved it. I wore it as often as humanly possible in South Louisiana where it's only cold like, five days out of the year. Eventually though, that gift ended up in a Goodwill pile because I'd grown up and moved on.

I am embracing this singleness gift while I have it, but I hope to one day move on to a new gift, one that moves and changes with me. One with whom I can grow. I am no less thankful for this one even though I desire a new one at some point down the road. But seriously, you don't need to keep reminding us of how blessed we are WE KNOW.

We love you anyway, despite the fact that sometimes you make us feel like aliens :) 

For real tho. I am SO INCREDIBLY THANKFUL for the amazing people God has placed in my life, particularly for the couples he's brought around me who've shown me the prime examples of what a wonderful Godly marriage looks like. You all may be in a season we wish to be in, but that doesn't mean we are not happy for you. I may want kids, and get really weepy every time I hear yet another pregnancy announcement, but seriously, my best friend just had her fourth kid and the first thing I'm doing when I arrive in New Orleans next week is rushing to her house to meet this baby.  We are still your friends, we still love you, and we recognize that sometimes, we're the ones alienating OURSELVES (I mean, seriously, I just wrote this entire blog post on why we're different... but the same... but different and requiring instructions... I know, it's confusing). All that to say, we wouldn't trade you for the world, and we'd appreciate any advice on things to consider when relating to you too.



********** BONUS MATERIAL************

I realized after I published this and some people already read it that I left off two very important yet related points.

Don't tell me about being picky....

Stop it, just stop there. I will actually go off on you if you say this, so if you don't want to see me turn into a 1970s Lou Ferigno impersonator, jus stop. seriously.  I have standards,  I have preferences, and I have things are are absolute "no"s.  I do, in fact, recognize that some of them might be a little petty, but some are pretty stinking important. I'd like you to know that in my life, of all the times I've been asked out, twice has it been by a Christian. Twice. Count that 1, 2.... that is all. So I'm not exactly given a humongous pool to choose from.  I had legitimate personal reasons for saying no to both of them. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't interested in dating like, 8 out of 10 eligible men that I come into contact with. Most of my single women friends can say the same.

If you can show me this large room full of men I'm being picky toward, I might oblige you, but since you don't seem to know where it is, keep you mouth shut. (That said, if you do find a room full of single men, would you kindly direct me there, please???)

Don't remind  me that "attraction grows on you."

I am aware of this. The first time I met the most recent guy who I've pined over, I wasn't attracted to him. Nor the next time I saw him. It took my friend talking him up and me praying about it a lot before I was legitimately like "Please, put me in a room with this person." THAT SAID, I'd rather not, out of my own social awkwardness, go out with someone under the pretenses that we might like each other if I'm not already in at least some way attracted to him. Seriously. That's just awkward, y'all.

I'm a big proponent of "guy friends." Trust me. I at some points have had more guy friends than girl friends. The vast majority of my guy friends I had no initial attraction to (Because if I did, I can assure you I'd have had a bit of a crush on them from the start). So many of them, though, as I've gotten to know them, I've realized "hey, you know, if given the opportunity, I wouldn't turn this down..." (disclaimer - this does not apply to all of them, simply because some of them seriously make amazing friends and I just would rather keep them that way, it's muddy water....).

Maybe I'm just being foolish on this one, and maybe it's why I've been single for so long, but I seriously would just rather be attracted to a guy in at least some form BEFORE we start trying to get to know each other on a non-friendship level. This might be wrong, and if it is, you're only frustrating me by reminding me that my inability to try it any other way is keeping me lonely. But I can't change that, I've tried praying over it at changing the way I view things, and it's likely, not going to change. Sorry. So don't remind me.

Fabulous Five on Friday

This week I've had a lot of awesome things to look back on, and the weeks to come are full as well! New York City in the summertime is something really special. I've gone away the past two summers, and it's been so great to be here this year, especially knowing I may be headed back home for good next summer (but that's for another day). I'm trying to get into a habit of posting a weekly wrap-up, because it reinforces my awesome ability to reflect on blessings, and I love that! Hold me accountable!

So here are a few things that made my week fabulous.

1. Trombone Shorty and Orleans Avenue - Monday night in a very rainy Central Park, my very favorite music artist of all time performed live, and I got to see him for the bazillionth time. If you are unfamiliar with Troy "Trombone Shorty" Andrews and his band Orleans Avenue, please click here or here YOU'RE WELCOME

Troy and I at the Maple Leaf last summer.

It's always  awkward talking about Troy like he's a big celebrity, because we run in the same circles in New Orleans, but I met him AFTER he was famous... Before we took this picture to the right one of our mutual friends was joking around telling him about how much of a big celebrity crush I have on him [blush... but look at him...] and he was laughing and telling me how he's just a good 'ole New Orleans boy... and he's right, which is why I love him more and more every time I see him. And he's seriously like, the sweetest guy ever. Also, I'm giving you one last chance to click on a link to see him if you havent. So.... click HERE now (that's troy on Conan, and probably my favorite of his TV performances ever).

[I'd also like to point out that the this picture was taken on what was the coolest night ever in the history of any job I ever had - but that's another story for another day, one that involves Lenny Kravitz, Cuba Gooding Jr., and Ricky Williams, otherwise known as "The Night I was Working for a Grammy Award Winning Band and got to Hang out with a Grammy Nominee, a Four Time 'Record of the Year' Grammy Winner, an Academy Award Winning Actor, and  Heisman Winner"]

Troy on Monday Night

2. Amazing Weather - For whatever reason, minus Monday's rainstorm (which was actually quite fun...) the weather has been FANTASTIC this week. It was like Fall. After last week's heatwave, and the never-ending winter that lead up to a summer of extreme hot, I was really thankful for a couple of days in which I could wear a dress but still break out a cardigan. Tuesday and Thursday mornings on my way to work there's a farmer's market in Cadman Plaza, and I always stop in for some fruit and berries. On this particular morning, I happened to have a little extra time to enjoy being at the market rather than run straight to the berries and buy them. One of the vendors was a little bakery, and they had WHOOPIE PIES!!!!!!!!! Good ones. From fresh ingredients. So I got to enjoy a sweet delicious pumpkin whoopie pie as my mid-morning snack later on :) Perfect treat for the perfect "Autumn" day in July. 

3). This fabulous skirt from Target.  I pet-sat last weekend and I forgot to bring some essentials to my friends' apartment, so I ran to their closest Target, which of course meant I had to check the sale racks... and I came home with this skirt. NOT ONLY THAT. I didn't realize it was reversible until the next day, so it was like, double happiness. I now intend to go back and buy it in a few more colors, because it's actually even cheaper in store than it is online. I'm thinking green(???) And the plum/pink one as well, for football season. So comfy, so airy, and so versatile!

I'm not usually one to post fashion... but....

What I woke up to today....

4. Brandon and Tyler - I love love love love love those little boys. Oh so much. Seriously. For those that don't know, I lived with a friend of mine from church last year for a few months when I was between apartments. She's a single mom of two of the cutest little boys ever, and I fell so in love with them that I just can't get enough. I realized the other day that I hadn't seen them in a couple of weeks, which is crazy. Their mommy wasn't feeling well, so she asked me to come over and spend the night last night in case she needed help with the boys. gladly. So when I woke up this morning, those little cuties were sleeping across the room from me. We had folded out the sofa bed so we could watch a movie last night, and at some point in the middle of the night both of these little stinkers had snuck out of their room and back onto the sofa bed. Before leaving for work today, Brandon jumped up in my arms to give me a hug goodbye, but he was all cuddly and sweet and I just couldn't bring myself to put him down. I told Karen I think I am starting to get what it feels like to be one of those mom's who has to leave her kids for work each day. These aren't even my kids and I was almost late because I didn't want to put him down, which is usually the case whenever I stay over - unless it's one of those days where I have to walk them to school, at which point they try to make it difficult and I'm usually okay with leaving them by the time I get there.... Also, I find myself at least once every time I see them whining about how they're getting too big and I don't like it (Brandon is five, Tyler turns four next month - I think they can stop growing up now). 

"Young boys should never be sent to bed, they always wake up a day older"- J.M. Barrie (Johnny Depp) in Finding Neverland

5.Youth Outings -Saturday we took the kids to the Guggenheim Museum and to Shake Shack. Tonight we took them to see a string quartet in Bryant Park and to Dallas BBQ.  Our summer missionary planned all of our youth events for the summer, and since we don't have anyone to run a full-time program, we've been trying to soak up these little events and make them awesome. I love spending time with these kids. They are, after all, the reason I moved here. It's been kind of heartbreaking to see how our group as sort of fallen apart with all of the changes we've been through in the last four years, so it's nice when we can get a few of them together and just pour into them for a few hours. What a blessing it is. Pray for us at Graffiti as we search for a new youth director. We don't have a ton of funding for the position, so it's hard to fill the job as no one wants to have to fundraise almost their entire salary - and it's really hard to keep a group of teenagers afloat with no leader. 

******  Trombone Shorty's new album is going to be released September 10th!! (same week the Saints open the season against the Falcons - good week).  I highly recommend getting his old ones and buying this new one when it comes out. If you want suggestions for favorite tracks from the old ones to download individually before committing to a whole album, please ask!*****

Holy Cannoli, Hoboken!

I'm not used to having a formal "day off."  I might squeeze in a Saturday here and there, and I might have that occasional "holiday," but I've always been one to work multiple jobs, be in school, babysit, etc. Last summer in New Orleans was the exception to this rule, in which I was essentially on a three month vacation - and it was every bit as delightful as that sounds. This summer, I have a day off built into my work week - two actually, if you count Saturdays. On Saturdays I typically have plans with friends, or try to get caught up on laundry, or go for long runs. The usual stuff. But Mondays, Mondays are special.

The beauty of  Monday is that it provides a "buffer day."  I've never had Mondays off EVER, and I HIGHLY recommend it should you ever have the opportunity to make your own schedule.  Sundays are very busy and exhausting for me, so I'm usually not very rested for work on Monday - and that whole "taking a Sabbath" thing never actually happens. Seeing as how that's in God's top ten rules, and is one of Graffiti's mandatory requirements for its workers, I figure it's pretty important to take a day to rest and pray. So this summer, I'm taking advantage. I get that extra day before the work week to relax and just be with myself and Jesus - while everyone else I know is working. It's glorious.

My goal for each Monday during this very brief season is to find an activity I haven't done before and go for it. The rules are:

1. Must be free or almost free - I am cheap and broke.
2. Must not involve using excessive amounts of energy - so no hiking the Old Croton Aqueduct
3. At least part of my excursion must include a location I've never seen before.

Last week I took the Metro North Hudson Line up to Irvington, NY. It was cute, and it was relaxing, but I wanted something a little bit different this week.

I chose Hoboken, NJ. I've wanted to explore Hoboken since 2007, but because its SO easy to get to, I always put it off, knowing I can go whenever I want (seriously, its

MMM Chips!

closer to 14th street than my apartment is).  I took the PATH train over to the old Lackawanna Railroad station and set out with no plan other than to find a burger. I found my burger and enjoyed a yummy batch of homemade kettle chips .

While eating my burger Charlee texted me that I absolutely must go to Carlo's Bakery.  If you know me at all, you know that when faced with visiting the local "tourist" places - usually popularized by television, I am all "Oh you know where you can find the REAL deal..." So visiting an Italian bakery made famous by TLC of course elicited lots of "I am not gonna bother, I can go to Venieros, or Capultos, etc." But Charlee and I live vicariously through one another, and the line wasn't long, so I decided to stand in it at her request. I got a few cannoli (who doesn't love a cannoli?!) and an oatmeal cookie. It was good. Really good (but Venieros is still better....).

Leave the Gun, take the Cannoli

The hi light of my day came after my delicious pastry experiment. I decided to sit and read for a little while and to let my phone charge, so Foursquare found me a coffee shop on a side street where I could make this happen. As I'm pulling out my Bible and journal, I overhear the two old me having a conversation next to me.

"Nah man, I just watch the Yankees and listen to my Frank Sinatra," says one of the men. My mind says "OMG Thats the most Jersey thing ever." Before I can even get out my phone to text a friend who I knew would appreciate the exchange, the other man turns to me and says "what do you think of that?!" and I tell him exactly what I thought. He introduced himself and his friend to me and started talking.

He told me he and his three brothers grew up in Hoboken on Monroe street. His uncle owns the property where Frank Sinatra was born, and he grew up in the house next door - but not next to Frank.

My friend said he and his brothers learned to race horses on the streets of Hoboken (I still haven't figured this out...) and they all went into the horseracing business. He launched his career at Belmont - where he groomed some award-winning horses. One of his brothers worked in multiple places, including the fairgrounds in New Orleans. While in New Orleans, the "Cajuns" were very suspicious of this "east coast" boy. He nailed the New Orleanians on that front - skeptical of all outsiders. The local boys juiced his brother's horse's food. The brother's horse was a hot-pick for the bookies, and having ben hormonally enhanced, was the frontrunner to win. Right before the race, the horses were drug tested. When his horse failed the drug test, not only was the horse disqualified, he was put on a 90 day suspension. Because of the tremendous losses suffered by the bookies as a result of this, the mafia was not a fan of my new friend's brother. As the story goes, some mob guys showed up to his house, put a 45 to his head, handed him 100 dollars and told him to get out of town. The brother packed his Cadillac and headed to New Mexico.

Pat is 82. He's been around a while. He told me his dream is to write a book about the "stinks and smells" of Hoboken. He went on to describe the smells of the Maxwell Coffee factory, and the sweat coming off the handkerchiefs of the laundry maids. He seemed to be lost in his own memories.

When I told them I was from New Orleans, the reaction of both men was "Basin Street!" not "Bourbon Street!" which made me appreciate them all the more! Charlie, the slightly younger man, was a teacher for about 45 years and is now retired and has a successful Frank Sinatra impersonation gig.

I had the most wonderful hours sipping my tea and talking with these two old guys. Normally on these days I don't like to be bothered. I don't want to talk to the people around me, but I knew there was something special about this conversation. These guys lived around the corner from one another but had just met a few weeks before. Pat, knowing that Charlie was such a Sinatra fan, insisted on giving Charlie a tour of his hometown, which is what today was all about for them. Thanks to Pat, I also knew the address where I could find Old Blue Eyes' birthplace, so I made that my last stop before heading to the river for a pretty view and getting back on the train.

After the old guys left, I read my Bible for a little while, and I prayed for them - at their request - both are having major medical procedures in the next few days, and then I walked to 415 Monroe Street and paid my homage to Frankie, as well as to see Pat's childhood home.

I like Jersey, I always have. Today reminded me why. 

The View from the Hoboken Waterfront

I love life, but sometimes...

One of the best parts of my walk with the Lord has been learning to see his blessings in every day occurrences.  I can find him all over. I can see him everywhere. And when I do, I like to share.

I love to share the excitement of all of the amazing little moments of awesome that occur 100 times a day in the most unique and random of places. If you follow me at all on facebook, you know this. Whether it's the smiles of the cute little baby the guy next to me was holding on the train today, or the feeling of accomplishment when I make fantastic grades in grad school and can't believe I have that opportunity - I always want to spread the joy.

The truth is though, all of those amazing little things also have a counter-effect I don't often mention. They remind me that on a day-to-day basis, I DON'T have a specific person with whom to share my life. Sure I can post on facebook, or text a couple of friends who I know might find whatever I just thought interesting to be equally as fascinating, but it's not the same as coming home and having someone there with whom I can spread the joy. As much as I am refreshed by sitting on my couch alone and just enjoying the peace and quiet, I am even more refreshed when I can be with other people.  And sometimes, that's hard.

I am often hit with this reality - and I've struggled with it for years, but lately it's been pretty real. Tonight, for example, I had a headache. A pretty brutal one. And I realized I was out of headache meds. My only option was to get up off my couch, get dressed, and go to Rite Aid myself, which I very obviously id not feel like doing, but I did - because there was no one there to do it for me. Then, when I got there, the service was TERRIBLE, and I wanted nothing more than to have a shoulder to lean on and rest my head while I commiserated about having to stand in line for an unnecessarily long time with a headache. There's something incredibly difficult about not having someone to share these little things with when you really really want to - be it good or bad. This is why you see me post stuff on facebook so often - because I ALWAYS have thoughts I want to share, but I'm USUALLY by myself. So what else to do but put them out in the world.

When your'e a Christian, and you talk about being lonely, everyone reminds you that God is always with you - and they're right, and that IS comforting, but it doesn't change the fact that I, one of the most talkative people alive, haven't had a conversation with a human being since my last client left work at 4:30 this afternoon (and it's 1 am now).

Maybe I'm missing something. Maybe other people really do have such a strong relationship with God that they can feel perfectly fine with him being the only person to whom they express their feelings. Maybe this is a faith issue. But I AM in constant conversation with him, so if I'm doing something wrong in that respect please help me out. I'd really love to know how to be 100% satisfied with his conversation alone. The Bible clearly lets us know that we are made for community, though, and that it's through our community that we become so satisfied in him. I absolutely believe this to be true - and I feel it.

It also doesn't change the fact that being alone means having no one with whom to make plans. For example, my 4th of July plans were cancelled at the last minute - plans I'd been looking forward to for a long time - and I was disappointed, but what was most disappointing was that I had no idea what to do next. I knew I didn't want to be alone, but I didn't quite know where to turn. It all worked out, and I had a great time, but not without having to invite myself to join in in someone ELSE's plans. I don't like that. And then, at the end of the day when I was exhausted, I wanted nothing more than to rest my head on someone's shoulder on the train ride back to New York, but instead I got to curl up uncomfortably on a seat by myself. I'm tired of those instances.

I think the most frustrating part of it all is the uncertainty. For all I know this could be the REST of my life. I have no idea if this period of being alone will ever end. The truth is, I have FUN. Lots of fun. Like, really really really large amounts of fun - because that's the kind of person I am. I make the most of EVERYTHING, but I can't help but think about how much more infinitely enhanced my fun would be if I wasn't having fun on my own most of the time.

I have some really close friends who truly light me up when I'm around them. Saying goodbye to them at the end of whatever time we have together is heartbreaking every time - even if I know I'm going to see them the next day. I get no greater joy than to be in their presence.  When I think about the people like this in my life, the people I just can't get enough of, I realize that when you get married, that's the person you get to go HOME to. What?! That can't even be REAL. To be able to go home to someone I love that much every day?! To be able to share all of those little moments with someone?! That's a real thing?! People get to do that?! HOW IS THAT EVEN FAIR!?!?!?

It's not. It's not fair. I want it, and I can't have it, and no one will tell me why. And you know the sad part? I've been so single for so long (thats 27 years and 3 months of never having had a boyfriend EVER - if you're counting), that I wouldn't even know how to BE in a relationship, so maybe THAT'S why, maybe I missed that where you get to learn how to do that so God's sparing me the pain of screwing it up. I don't know. But I don't like it. I don't like that I've been praying the same prayer since I was twelve and nothing has changed in the slightest to make it seem like it's any closer to being answered now than it was then.

So yes, this was a melodramatic post, but sometimes you gotta be melodramatic. I feel like no one expresses these feelings publicly, and I'm tired of not having anyone to look to to know that I'm not the only one feeling them. I'm hoping that maybe in expressing things like this, someone else might be comforted in knowing she's not alone.

In the meantime, I'll keep praying this changes - as jaded as I may be, and I'll keep making the best of my nights alone on my couch with ice cream and/or chocolate, and my long explorative walks around the city to burn it off ;)

Sweet Words of Wisdom

Someday in the very near future (tomorrow, maybe?) I'll write a second post of the day to discuss the feelings surrounding my internship ending.  In the meantime, I have lots of papers to write and need to focus on that, so everything depends upon how much progress I make in the next day on on class writing.

In the meantime, here's my post of the day from the Story of My Life challenge 

There are so many great quotes - like, the whole Bible pretty much, among other things, so I narrowed it down to a few: 

So this is basically my favorite Bible verse, because it pretty much sums up the rest of the Bible. Every time I read it I feel like I am reading a sweet fairy tale about a great hero to a little kid, except it's not a fairy tale, it's a real story about a real hero. Amazing. (I also just realized "Jesus" is not capitalized in the graphic - but you get the point. 

I am absolutely overwhelmed when I think about the way our love for Christ should translate into our love for others. This quote used to hang in my classroom when I was a teacher. We have a tendency to express our dislike of the world in a way that comes across as hateful, but it is love that wins in the end. It's the LOVE of Christ at saves us, and only he has that ability. I'm also really interested in race relations, which I think is still a huge problem despite the fact that most of white America refuses to admit that, and so anything MLK ever said pretty much makes me want to stand up and clap. If I had to make a list of historic figures I would pay to go back in time to meet, he'd be on of the top dudes on that list. 

This quote from A Tree Grows in Brooklyn is a favorite for so many reasons.  I try to live my life so that each day contains something special. God has given us a wonderful world to enjoy, and we should take advantage. Life is BEAUTIFUL, and even when I'm struggling and feeling down, I try to recognize those moments as part of the agony of life, and something I can use to grow from. I've watched people go through depressions in which they medicated themselves to a point where they could no longer FEEL. That sounds like the worst thing ever! We were created to FEEL, good and bad. I praise God for that, and I hope he will always give me opportunities to feel. 

Soaring

So for the last few days I've been extra busy.  My best friend Jessica is in town, and between working, then going to Long Island, then hanging out with her, I've been on the go, which has been FABULOUS.  I've gotten to see so many of my favorite people and do so many of my favorite things, and it's been a great relief from the dreary winter boredom I've been experiencing lately (though I am SO over this cold weather!).

Saturday I celebrated a friend who survived a rough couple of years of single-momhood and divorce byt soaring into a new life and going to TRAPEZE SCHOOL with her.  I think I'm hooked!

I was also nominated by Ashley  for a Liebster Award, and I don't have anyone to pass the nomination on to yet, as I'm new to the blogging community, but I'll answer the questions she was posted as soon as things settle down and I'm no longer hosting a housegues

An Inconvenient Thanks

This is the first time I've ever tried "linking up" with other blogs, but since I'm in the process of repurposing my writing, I thought this would be a good start.

I live thankful (see here), but it's always nice to take a day to recognize something, or things, specific.

My Injured Foot :( 

I recently went through a lull in which I lost my ability to recognize all of my blessings, and God used this time to mold me a LOT, and he's still working out some kinks that got built up during that time, so today, I'm thankful for inconveniences.

From having my car broken into in Oklahoma City early in the year, to cutting my foot on a stray floorboard nail, I feel as though each day I'm waking up to many unusual inconveniences.  I was getting pretty bitter about it, and I was letting that steal away my joy.  I've been coming out of this funk despite no change in the pattern, but today God really used this to speak to me.

Last night my hot water went out (again) which meant it needed several hours to reboot, so I had to rearrange my morning schedule so I could get up early and shower, then I ended up sleeping fifteen minutes LATER than usual. Not exactly how I thought I'd start my day.

Then, after having to chase a bus an entire avenue block because it had left my stop a minute ahead of schedule, I began to reflect on the JOY that is inconvenience. I couldn't help but laugh through my annoyances.  I challenged myself to note one small blessing for each inconvenience - for each time I lose my umbrella on a rainy day I want to recognize the kindness of the hospital receptionist who gave me a napkin to dry my face.

I feel like God wanted to show me that love does not come easy, and though his love for me is unconditional, I have to be equally willing to put effort into that relationship. I may be showered with blessings, and I may be immensely thankful for them, but maybe he's trying to help me recognize that real-life love doesn't always work that way. When we love people, we can't only love them when the do great things for us, we also need to love them when we're drained. God never stops loving me and blessing me, and I was allowing myself to just let the blessings pour out while I went about my every-day life, but never STOPPING to take a breath and just enjoy it. These minor challenges are forcing me to step back and just praise God for how the good in my life far outweighs the bad, and for that, I am incredibly thankful.

Reflections on Being Thankful

It has been a while since I posted anything.  I can attribute this to a number of factors.

1. I usually only post when something's heavy on my heart. I'm now a social work student, which means there's ALWAYS 200 things that are heavy on my heart, thus making it difficult to choose one.

2. As stated above. I am a social work student, and while not nearly as busy as I expected to be, I'm still pretty busy between field, and class, and oh, my paying job.  I have a lot of downtime, nonetheless, but as much as I love writing, I spend a LOT of hours writing my thoughts, so doing so in my downtime is not as appealing as at other times.

3. I tend to post about things God is teaching me, but I've allowed myself to be distracted from his teaching lately, and this is me being transparent about that.

I'm sure there are other reasons, and for the three people who actually read this on a regular basis, I apologize.

Now that November is over, I do have something that's been on my mind throughout the month.

From November 1st to November 30th, social media was abuzz with THANKFUL posts. Each morning as I sat on my futon/bed watching Full House and checking my phone, I browsed through a number of posts starting with Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, and so on.  The number was followed by something very specific that the person was thankful for. I loved catching up on everyone's gratefulness.  It was wonderful to see so many people recognizing the blessings in their lives and looking for those little every-day things that often go unnoticed.

I did not participate.  I chose not to because, if you look through my status updates on facebook, 99% of my thousands of posts are about something I'm thankful for - though I may not explicitly use the word "thankful."  There's simply no way I would have been able to narrow it down to one a day. Whether it's having the office to myself (the reasons I'm able to post this right now), or getting a free hat and gloves from Kmart, or seeing the smiles on my teenagers' faces, or playing superhero with Brandon and Tyler, or simply enjoying the sounds of that random saxophone player who lives in my building, hundreds of times a day I get a chance to see how blessed I am.

This practice of recognizing blessings is something I've been doing for about six years with a fair amount of consistency.  I read David Crowder's book Praise Habit: Finding God in Sunsets and Sushi, which is a study of the Psalms.  He tells stories about how he learned to recognize the millions of ways in which God gives him gifts throughout the day all day every day.  I started attempting the same, and it changed my life.

When you focus on all of those little things, even on the junkiest of days, you feel pretty amazing.  I must think 100 times a day "Wow, this is really cool," or "Man, I'm so thankful for this opportunity," or whatever.

Already today, for example, I've recognized the following:

1. My 2.5 mile walk to work = built in exercise
2. Nat King Cole Christmas music
3. Crossanwhiches
4. I DONT live in a detention center
5. I get to work in a detention center
6. I hang out with some pretty amazing kids all day
7. My supervisor doesn't make me want to jump out a window
8. I have an amazing amount of sustained focus in Grad school that's totally new to me
9. Full House
10. Chi blowdryer
11. My iPhone
12. The beautiful view when crossing the 145th Street bridge.

Just to name a few.

I hope that posting thankful posts throughout November helps everyone to realize how thankful they are every day year round. Makes every day bright and sunny :)

Reasons to Wake Up in the Morning

I'm the kind of girl who likes to live for a purpose. This is easy when I'm actually busy. You know, when I'm working 60-70 hours a week, having a social life, being around the kids I love, singing at my church.

Aside from those things though, a girl can get lost in the endless supply of mindless activities  that leave one feeling kinda funky.  And not cool music on a Tuesday night at the Maple Leaf kinda funky, but the other kind of funky. The kind where you can forget to take showers because you have no place to go for a few days kinda funky.

So anyway, being out of my normal routine and trying to establish a new one has been more difficult than I thought it'd be this summer.  Assuming I'd find a steady source of income, I moved in with my parents back home to save some money. What resulted was a summer full of unsteady work, no money, and endless hours at the gym because really, if I'm going to spend my mornings watching "Say Yes to the Dress," I might as well be on the treadmill while I do it, thus increasing the chances that I might one day get to look nice in one of those dresses myself (or so I tell myself).

Typically the most exciting part of my day involves heading over to a friend's house, where talk about life and I get to play with her kids. Maybe if I get really lucky, the baby will poop and I'll change a diaper, thus giving me a hint of a purpose for about twenty seconds.

While itching to get back to NY, I'm trying to embrace this "vacation."  The little bit of work I have gotten involves listening to free live music by some of my favorite artists, so that's kinda like vacation, and then I babysit in a really cool neighborhood.

Today I decided to stop moping, and start embracing life Danielle style again. Refusing to give into the funk.  I've been gifted with this amazing ability to see all of the amazing little blessings God gives us EVERY day, but lately I've been brushing those blessings aside and asking for more.  Never being satisfied.  This is not cool.

So today, I had one of the most "normal" days I could have for someone who has no job and no kids to take care of.  I went to the New Orleans Museum of Art, as it was free day today.  I spent about fifteen minutes in the guest shop enjoying THIS book. I packed a bag lunch with peanut butter and jelly, some terra chips, and two oreos, as well as a VIA packet of the Starbucks refreshers and sat by the ducks in City Park while watching young families stroll about and not feeling the least bit jealous.  I took a stroll through the sculpture garden, which, fyi, IS free and is not part of the standard admission to the museum (as I had previously thought).  I finished off my nifty little day in the sunshine by trying a snoball place I hadn't tried before, and being pleasantly satisfied to find out that it was ranked as one of the most crowded places to spend an afternoon for a reason (and I EMBRACED the long line, enjoying the satisfied look of teenagers enjoying snowballs on the sidewalk, and dad's buying cotton candy flavored treats for their kiddos).

Today I was reminded of how I prefer to view life.  Rather than always seeking the next opportunity, I had to step back and embrace the day.  Yes I'm ready to start grad school, but I'm vowing to take advantage of the time I have now - as I won't have much time to enjoy the little things once paper writing takes over. I'm taking the Francie Nolan approach to the next month, and despite the fact that Im not watching the trees grow in Brooklyn, I'm really having a heck of a time enjoying the moss-covered vines of New Orleans.

"Dear God, let me be something every minute of every hour of my life. Let me be gay; let me be sad. Let me be cold; let me be warm. Let me be hungry...have too much to eat. Let me be ragged or well-dressed. Let me be sincere- be deceitful. Let me be truthful; let me be a liar. Let me be honorable and let me sin. Only let me be something every blessed minute. And when I sleep, let me dream all the time so that not one little piece of living is ever lost." - Francie Nolan, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn

30 Red and Pink Balloons

Though I've been single on Valentines Day for twenty five straight years, last year marked another reason to sit back, reflect, and celebrate this day... and it has nothing to do with romance.

On this day last year one chapter in this epic page turner I live ended, and I moved on to a new one. It's been quite the journey on this life I never planned.

In the past year, I've been on stage with some of my favorite artists, I've lived in one of Chicago's finest neighborhoods (as well as one of New York's), I've moved out of an apartment I thought I'd be in for the remainder of my time in NYC, I've made decisions about my future, I've cleaned up bad decisions from my past, etc. etc.

I can't say I'm disappointed. I wake up each day honestly never knowing what's going to happen next, and I try my hardest to take the time to see how God is blessing me through each unpredictable day.

So as I walked through the streets of Washington Heights carrying 30 red and pink balloons today, I couldn't help but laugh and smile and realize what a crazy life I live, from riding in cabs with major music/TV stars to putting band-aids on two year old hands. Though none of this is anywhere close to where I pictured myself being at this stage in life, I am enjoying the ride, being completely blind to where the next turn will take me.

I leave you with a clip of one of the strangest songs from one of the creepiest shows I know, Yo Gabba Gabba. This plays on repeat sometimes now that I'm living with kids under five (and the balloons today had it stuck in my head). I warn you, it will be stuck in your brain:

Perspective

In the post below, note how I said that God was going to do something big and miraculous through this situation, and he didn't disappoint.

Upon reading a facebook post of mine about how I was going to be effectively homeless at the end of January, a dear friend offered up her home for my enjoyment while I save money and look for a new place. I am now sitting on a my futon in the Upper West Side living room of my friend's place, where I have been living for nearly two weeks now with her and her two beautiful boys.

Each time I step out of the train at Central Park West, walk over one block, and take the elevator up to be greeted at the door by two sweet hilarious preschool aged kids, I am overwhelmed with gratitude and praise for God's provision. I am now living in the most convenient location I can imagine for my work, and I am loving every minute of the company of a friend I admire in so many ways. (I'm also completely enamored by the ability to do laundry by simply taking an elevator down four floors and dropping it in the washer, then going back home to watch TV and be productive while it washes....)

I've been doing a lot of tutoring in homes I feel I could write volumes about, and with kids who are functioning nowhere near their grade level, but I will try to be more disciplined in writing those stories as they happen because there are too many things I learn to fit into one blog post. Suffice it to say that being in a home where Mom doesn't work, Dad's in jail, there are six kids from infant to seventeen, and the TV is the only thing drowning out the constant high-volume screaming has made me realize more than ever how privileged I am. Here I was worried about having a place to stay, when I knew that ANY situation God placed me in would be better than the dirty apartment in which this family resides. My God is way too good to me.

I also want to shout out my friends who helped me move for making me feel so loved. Chris, Courtney, and Hilton showed up at my apartment on a Saturday morning so they could spend the beautiful day carting my things between apartments, a storage unit, and a UHaul truck. Elizabeth called me upon finishing her work for the day and asked if she could join the party. None of these friends asked for anything out of the deal, they were simply loving. Elizabeth even went so far as to treat me to Shake Shack so I could relax once it was all said and done. Upon my return to my new place, I walked in to find that Karen had already organized my things and had bought me a welcome present. I've never been so overjoyed from the unconditional love my God gives me and manifests through my friends. I do not know how I would function without them.

I will do my best to be more diligent in updating this blog, as I daily have stories I could tell, but for now, I'm fighting sleep and am way past my bedtime

If Ignorance is Bliss It's Cuz She Never Heard of This

I pray daily about whether or not I'm in the right place right now... and in less than a week I have to know for sure. Though my image isn't clear, just when I think I've got it figured out, I'll have moments like today.

It's Friday, I'm recovering from one of the worst 24-hour illnesses I've had in years, and the last thing I wanted to do was stay after school for several hours. So, when one of my students walked in and reminded me that I was supposed to help him with his project (which was due DAYS ago), my stomach sank a little, realizing that the other work I desperately needed to do was going to have to wait. I had been looking forward to getting my grading done, grabbing a pumpkin spice latte, and strolling the streets of Harlem while listening to Andy Mineo's new mix tape (which you should definitely click on the previous text and download for FREE if you haven't done so already). I'm into these long walks around the city, especially when it's in neighborhoods God has laid upon my heart.

So, I begrudgingly pulled up a desk for my kid, and set my computer up on another desk, while I walked him through the beginning steps of his project. I decided to put on some Jesus hip-hop in the background (which I like to do during class sometimes), and after a few minutes discussion on our favorite rap artists and some reminiscent late-90s Cash money "I'm from New Orleans, I knew 'bout Lil wayne before you were born, and this is what we do" moments, we bonded over a love of all things hip hop, and I put on the aforementioned mix tape. I've always struggled with the fact that I absolutely love the sounds and beats and hooks and such of hip hop, but the language and themes drive me nuts, so when I discovered the amazingness of legit Gospel Hip Hop, it was like an answered prayer. I now like to share. The Westbank in me is very thankful. I shared with him my thoughts on this music, and how I like it better because the talent is the same, but the message is so much sweeter. We continued to listen, and he jammed along.

So now to the point. A few minutes in, while he's working on his project, the kid turns to me as I'm grading timelines, and says "You know, sometimes I wonder about God. Like, how is it possible that he like, created everything but like, he was never created?"

Floored moment. Quick prayer.

I proceeded to answer him in my best "we can't put God into our human box and try to rationalize him, he's way bigger than us," explanation. He then pressed on with a variety of other questions like, "So if he's God, how could he just suddenly turn himself into like, bones and skin and organs n stuff and put himself inside Mary?" and "If this guy can save the universe, why would he let himself die and get beaten?"

This conversation lasted for about half an hour. I don't have time to put everything into details, but suffice it to say, I got to do some seriously awesome sharing in this time. I got to share about how amazing Jesus's love for us truly was, and how he GAVE HIMSELF so that we wouldn't have to suffer - and that our stupid ways put him in that position. We talked about heaven and hell and spiritual warfare. We talked about Grace, and forgiveness, and good and evil. He had some fantastic stories and thoughts to share. I was so blessed by this conversation.

It...Was...Amazing.

I was completely floored by the way God opened up doors today.

I think my favorite question was "Well, how do you KNOW he's real? Like, what makes you feel so confident that God is there?" which allowed me to share the amazing things he's done for me, and how his Holy Spirit is living, breathing, and flowing through my life.

So amazing. This kid's an aspiring rapper, and has shared some pretty creative and clever rhymes with me in the past few weeks. I'm so thankful that there are guys out there with the same talents as this kid who use their talents for his Glory so they can specifically reach this group of people, and seeing as how these are my kids, I am more than thankful for their willingness to serve in this way.

I'm also really thankful I didn't dart out the door and grab that latte this afternoon. This was soooo much sweeter.

Pumkin Spice Lattes The Good Word

In the madness of starting a new job, I've also had to create for myself a new routine. In said new routine, it's especially important to pray through how my time with the Lord can be best spent. He's provided me with the time to spend, and I need to steward my time in a way that I can both keep my job, and more importantly, grow daily in my relationship with him.

This balance is crucial, in that I am on a trial period with my job, and it's not just a trial period for them to test me out, but also for me to see if this is truly where God wants me for at least the next ten months of my life. but more on that later.

What I wanted to share most, is the ABSOLUTELY RADICAL AMAZINGNESS I read while enjoying a pumpkin spice latte last night (ahhhh, fall!). I took myself to starbucks so I'd be removed from the distractions of work and my apartment. It's a routine I plan to work into my routine, even if it doesn't include starbucks (considering the only time of the year starbucks is my preference is during the fall when the pumpkin spice is in full force)

Have you ever had one of those moments where you were diggin through the word and you just wanted to stand up where you were and do a little dance because you were so pumped up and charged by the passages before you. That was me, last night. These moments rock my world.

I marinated in the words of Titus 2:11-14:

"For the grace of God has appeared bringing salvation to all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in this present age, waiting for our blessed hope, then the appearing of the glory of our Great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for his own possession a people who are ZEALOUS for good works."

Retyping that, just blew my mind again. Dude, GAVE HIMSELF FOR US so we will be ZEALOUS for good works. What?! He wants us to live upright, self-controlled, and godly lives while we WAIT for him and his glory. really

take

that

in

don't read this lightly. In digging deeper last night, I came to know that the Greek word for waiting connotes eagerness. It's not like when I'm waiting on the train for work, its like, when I'm waiting from the time of the superbowl/BCS national championship games to the time when the first ball of the season is kicked off in the late summer/early fall times infinite numbers of awesomeness.

SOOOOOOOOO MUCH BETTER.

we are waiting on the GOD OF THE UNIVERSE. This big dude, who knows more than we will ever ever every understand, comprehend, or pretend to know. Things we could never wrap our mind around. He's coming to bring us into his fellowship. Like, for real. Take that in. and in the meantime, he wants us to be CHANGED by his promise.

Like, what is salvation if we don't let it soak us up. Why on Earth would we want the things of this Earth when we can be friends and live in community with the most infinite, unimaginable, greatest person who ever walked this earth. Like, think about this. Really think about it. I read this stuff every day, and sometimes I get complacent, but when I truly sit in amazement. WOW.

you'll prolly want to dance around a starbucks too.

A couple of New England days

Four years ago I posted this blog about how fantastic Boston is.

Ever since, I've talked about moving there. The summer after NYC, I went to New England for two months, which rocked my world on so many levels and brought the most amazing people into my life. I cannot imagine how different things would be if I'd have stayed in Louisiana or come back to New York that summer. Truth is, though, that love for Boston was what pushed me over the edge when making decisions about where to be a summer missionary that second year. God used images I couldn't get of my brain, baseball, people, and lots of slaps in the face to send me there.

I love the history, the ocean breezes, the accents, the scent of salt water, the seagulls, the immense passion for EVERYTHING (seriously, people in New England are passionate about anything they like- which I why I fit in so well with them). I just wish folks would transfer that passion into something like, oh, I dunno, loving Jesus. I tell you if all of the New Englanders would simply fall in in love with the Lord, they'd start workin on winning the world over so fast we wouldn't know what hit us.

I really could go on for hours and hours and hours and hours and ramble and go on and on and on and on and on about how completely flabbergasted I am in how God has brought people into my life in the last seven years from Baton Rouge, Providence, Boston, Connecticut, New York, New Jersey, Mississippi, etc. and twisted our lives around and intertwined them in ways that completely blow my mind. I feel like, at the root of it all, is New England. It seems to anchor all these connections somehow. Like all roads lead to Worcester or something like that.

Because of the ways God has used the next region north, I have always assumed he's going to have me land there at some point, even if only for a few years. And this may be the case. I have absolutely no opposition to it WHATSOEVER. Believe me, I'd love to go to more Red Sox games.

The point of this particular post is this: I don't think I'm moving there any time soon.

This is a new revelation. And a great one. One I've been praying for.

You see, I LOVE New York in immense ways I cannot describe. I wont even bother trying. Suffice it to say, this place feels like home and always has. I know I won't be here forever, or at least, I don't plan to be, but lately, with all the transitions in my life, I've been praying that God would show me if it is time to bow out or if it is time to settle in. And the overwhelming answer is SETTLE IN.

Having had this feeling for the past few months, and particularly since my return from Chicago, have become pretty comfortable in it. THAT SAID I knew that hopping the Lucky Star to Boston for the Red Sox game was going to be testy. I could see myself getting that same feeling I always get when I arrive at South Station, where I just KNOW I have to move there. But I didn't.

Upon my arrival, I had a couple of hours before the next train to Providence, so I prayer walked around the common, Chinatown, the meeting house, Quincy market, etc. During that time I kept praying God would show me if I was supposed to be in that city, and what needs he would reveal to me there in the meantime. I prayed and prayed and prayed, but I kept thinking "I kinda wish I was still in New York, I miss it already." This was foreign to me, I'm in BOSTON Im supposed to overwhelmingly excited to be there. But I wasn't. I loved it still, and I had a great time, but even in Fenway, it was like, God was saying "I know you love it here, but it's not the time." and I was PERFECTLY okay with that.

I'm super thankful for this trip, and the time I got to spend with Maria, who is AMAZING. I'm thankful for the long walk around Providence I took this morning (I really could write a whole post about that). I'm thankful for great weather, and Fenway Park. I'm thankful for the comfy megabus ride home (so much better than the Lucky Star ride there).

Most of all, I am thankful that God confirmed what I've been suspecting all along.

I'm right where I'm supposed to be.

With only five days left, I give you, picutres.

The View from the Hancock Tower

Whirlyball (Basketball meets Lacrosse meets Bumper Cars

Overpriced Underwhelming Beignet at Taste of Chicago

The View of my Neighborhood from the Beach

One of many gorgeous views of the Chicago River

Where I live- Baumhart Hall

My BFF :)

Cloudy Day Skyline/Beach View