So today's challenge is to write about things that make me uncomfortable. I have just a few of these, because I tend to be a pretty relaxed person - but there are definitely things that have come to surface over the last few years, most of which involving relationships , which I never would have said before.
1. Small talk - while I may APPEAR to be really good at this - it's WORK. Lots of work. I can definitely engage people in a conversation when I first meet them, or when I run into them on the train, or whatever, but I prefer not to. I've actually written about that here to an extent. I typically just duck away, not because of anything YOU'VE done, but because I fear I will have nothing to say to you that's worth saying and I'll end up making a fool of myself. Same thing with meeting new folks. If we don't already have something to discuss, I'm totally uncomfortable.
2. Being unexpectedly asked to sing in front of small groups of people - call me up on stage in a packed out bar or concert venue, and I've never felt better, ask me to sing in a small group at a cafe or at your house or something, and I"m all "What is this, Meet me in St. Louis?" That is AWKWARD folks. (that said, if breaking out into song at house parties were totally normal, I'd be all up in that. I wish we could live more like this sometimes - but since it's not normal, it just makes me uncomfortable). My family used to randomly have me sing for them at Christmas parties and stuff, and just like when I was a little kid and they used to ask me to do cute stuff, it makes me feel really weird. If you want to hear me sing, follow me around for a few minutes, I'm very much a Cinderalla in that way. I just break out into song in normal situations - but once it's become the center of attention, I'm done.
3. Dating - the whole concept of dating creeps me out, but I'm working on it. The older I get, the longer I go without actually dating, the more difficult it is for me to fathom the concept of ever being okay with this by today's standards, and the more terrified I get that I may never get married. It all started by no one ever asking me out, so as a teenager and college student when I should have been developing those boy-girl interaction skills, I totally missed out. When I got older, I got asked out a few times, but never by anyone I felt comfortable going out with for whatever reason - which I think goes back to the fact that I don't already know them well (or that I know them well enough to know that I don't want to marry them and therefore don't want to date them). But the whole idea of going out on a date with someone who I have not already been friends with and am comfortable with already TOTALLY FREAKS ME OUT to like, a paralyzing point. The only way I'd ever be comfortable with this is by the recommendation of a friend who knows me well and knows the person well - and for whatever reasons my friends never try to set me up with people, so I don't get that chance. I've been on three dates ever : once for my junior prom (which was a set-up because I didn't want to be the only solo person in my limo so a friend set me up witha friend for the night), and the other two were with guys I was ALREADY friends with, but both times we realized quickly that's all we wanted to be. So yeah, the idea of dating just totally makes me uncomfortable.
on that note....
4. Guys who are excessively sweet- Don't get me wrong, I like to be treated like a lady, but the normal ooey gooey sweet romantic stuff that gets girls to be all "awwww" makes me feel all "ewwww." Write a song for me, I'm probably going to laugh through it, say sweet little romantic things and I'm gonna be like "huh?" I don't like jerks, obviously, but I do like someone who doesn't take things too seriously, and knows ho to joke around and cut up with me, and is more of a friend than a lovey-dovey type. Whenever I hear cheezy romantic stories and all the girls are like "awwwww" I'm alwasy like "blech, I'd probably break up with you at that point." I'm so serious. I think part of it comes from the fact that I have a brother who loves by sarcasm rather than sweetness, and that's how I learned to love. My idea of a romantic evening involves watching football together or going to a concert together, or cooking dinner together. I definitely receive love by togetherness and acts of service. Wanna be "sweet," wash my dishes for me, do not write me poems.
So yeah, I'm sure there are more of those, but these are the ones that really stand out. I'm awkward, I get it, but aren't we all?