Thursday, September 3, 2009


Ever feel like you've been punched in the stomach?

That's me right now.  I am truly broken.  

Barnes and Noble hasn't called me back.  They told me they'd call me this week to come in to get started. I talked to a manager this morning who said he was going to speak with someone to see when they wanted me to start, but I have a bad fear that something went terribly wrong and that I'm completely back to square one. 

My money is really very low.  It is scary low. We're talking, if money doesn't come in soon, I may have to move low.  I know the Lord has good plans for my life, and that he will take care of me, but it's difficult not to worry.  

I feel as though I'm treading water and and getting nowhere but exhausted.  I got in with the tutoring agency I interviewed with earlier this week.  That is all great except that they can't guarantee me clients, and even if they do, it's going to be mid-October before that would start.  I know they will be able to find some for me, but that doesn't help me now. 

I'm remembering other times in my life when I felt discouraged and broken, and how God got me through them, and it helps, but it still doesn't remove the feeling in the pit of my stomach. I had someone ask me yesterday if I thoroughly sought his guidance and his will when making my decision to move here, and though I know I did, it's times like these that cause me second guess myself in that area.  What if I am in the wrong place? What if I did misread him? I pray on this constantly.  I know exactly how I felt when I moved here, and there was no doubt in my mind I was making the right decision, but it's hard not to question when resources to stay are not falling into place.  

I am truly broken.  Please pray for this.  

1 comment:

Nicole said...

I know exactly how you feel in this post. I just moved to Wichita and money is tight and I was freaking out just wanting to move home. Then I got a call for a job and although I haven't secured the job yet I really feel when I came to my breaking point God intervened to give me hope.