I'm Really Falling In Love With What I Do

Now that I'm establishing some routine, and I'm getting into preparing lessons and such, I am falling in love with this job.

The other day I was putting grades in the system while sitting at home watching TV, and I was remembering little things about each kid as I did it.  I realized that most of my children have at least ONE thing that I adore about them, even the ones that frustrate the heck out of me.  

Yes I have kids who have a zero average in my class even after a make-up day.  Yes I have kids who have yet to listen to a word I say, but I am doing the best I can in that respect.  I have some great ideas for lessons to come, and I'm looking forward to the next few months. 

The people I work with are fantastic and supportive, and I am blessed to be in such an environment.  

I've begun going for Uptown runs just about every afternoon.  In these runs, I get a chance to reflect on all of the wonderful things I've been handed.  I was born in the greatest city in America, and for that I am thankful.  I have the opportunity to go to to a new city this summer where I have a church that has changed my life.  I have a job that is both fulfilling and exciting.  

Really, it just doesn't get much better than this. 

This is why I read about Jesus

I've been making it a goal of mine to focus on being Jesus-like to my students.  I try to do this is all aspects of life, but its especially difficult when it comes to my students.

Since I usually am exhausted at night, and have trouble waking extra early in the morning, I really have to make it a conscious effort to read my Bible daily and see what lessons I can learn from Jesus, and isn't it amazing how I always can get something out of it... gee, what a concept!

I've been struggling lately with maintaining my passion for reaching out to the students who need it most.  I'm good with those who need help dealing with problems and just need a shoulder to cry on or someone to talk to, but its those kids who don't want to learn that I have the difficulty with.  I've gotten so spoiled with teaching the gifted kids, that I've been thinking about going that route for the rest of my career.  These kids who don't care are truly a challenge.  

Then I was reading this morning and came across the following verse:

"It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick.  I come not to call the righteous, but the sinners"

It once again opened my eyes to the passion I set out with when I chose that career.  It is not the smart kids who make 'A's who really need the help, it is those kids who are striving for someone to open their eyes without even realizing it.  

Thank you Jesus for words of wisdom, once again.

Hope

I am sitting in my  class watching the inauguration.

The whole school is watching I am in awe.  I don't remember watching the Bush inauguration, but I do remember Clinton.  Sadly though, Clinton was so long ago I don't have a strong memory of it. 

I love presidents.  In any way shape or form, whether I agree with them or not, i love to study presidents.  This particular one is growing on me more and more.  Something about him reminds me of Kennedy, and well, I love Kennedy. Always have.  

Okay, lots of things about him remind me of Kennedy.  

Maybe he'll suggest we go back to the moon...  I'd be in on that.  

I wish my kids cared as much as I did about what he has to say.  For now, I'm intrigued, and excited.  I can't wait to see what "change" there will be.  

High stress, much love

I have a highly stressful job.

It is a given in the education world.  It is a job that has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with everyone else.  

You are not only accountable to yourself, but you are accountable to your school, your system, your state, and most of all, your students. 

This creates a highly stressful situation.  If I screw up, I screw up for a whole lot of people. 

I'm learning how to get through to my students, but it is hard, and I have no idea how I'm going to get them through the rest of the curriculum by the end of the year at the rate at which they are learning.  

They don't pay attention, and sadly, the fact that those who pay attention aren't learning anything is almost out of my control.  

In the process of this stress, combined with last semester, I've lost a grand total of twenty-five pounds, and two pants sizes.  Not two DRESS sizes, two PANTS sizes (girls, you know the difference).  I don't see the gradual decrease changing either.  

This is a side effect of stress I'm okay with.  

Through all of this, I do love my job, despite the fact that I haven't gotten paid for any of it yet and am highly broke.  My kids, even the bad ones, bring me joy and a sense of accomplishment.  If all I get to do is make them smile, then I feel I've done something.  

I am starting to see the light in all of this craziness. 

I also miss people

Despite having Charlee, John, Bethany, Jessica, and Kenny here to keep me sane (okay, and I know Kenny and I do not keep each other sane, we usually end up driving each other crazy, but that is beside the point), I have many people I miss.

Mostly Laura Little, because not only does she not live around me, but I cannot simply pick up the phone and call her when I need her.  I miss her a lot, and could really use one of her talks or dinners right about now. 

That is all.

Espresso Truffles and Good Friends Getting me through.

Most days fly by.  Really, mostly because it takes me so long to get my kids to settle into class that I don't have time to do anything productive and I feel like time has flown.

I have four manageable classes, and two that I want to throw from my third story window most of the time. 

I love these kids and this work, but I'm not so sure I can see myself doing it for the rest of my life. I am missing social work and ministry, and am trying to figure out if maybe I am supposed to be working with youth on a different level. 

I miss writing as well.  I miss it a lot.  

I am to stir-crazy for a job that requires being in the same place all day every day.  I feel trapped in this building.  I don't mind the work, but even though I am more productive when I am here, come 2:30, I'm running for the door.  

Prep work can come later.  

I don't know where I'd be in this city without Charlee, John, and Bethany.  I have run to all of them countless times already since I've been here.  They keep me sane.  I spend more money crossing that bridge than I've ever spent before.  Who knew you could need a toll tag just to afford a social life?  

Unlike last semester, I am actually finding that I can be more productive when I am sitting on my couch at home than I can when I am here.  Probably because, with my parents' schedules the way they are, I practically live alone.  

Really, I live in the same house with them and I went five days last week without seeing either one of them.  It's just the way it falls. My routine has established itself though, and I am thankful for it.  Not only has it established itself, but it has done so with room for running, and a social life.  Go figure! 

I also spend countless hours at Starbucks.  

This new unique stress level has also helped me to refocus in my relationship with Jesus, which is very important.  I am thankful for stress when that is the result. 

I'm also wearing a size 8 in pants for the first time since 6th grade.  Thank you stress....

So I'm Here, now what?

I am slightly less intimidated now that I am here.

There is not nearly as much that is demanded from me at this school in comparison to Westdale, and student-teaching. Things are much simpler.

Am I prepared for tomorrow? Absolutely not.

That said, apparently no teacher ever feels fully prepared, so I am not feeling so down about that.

I really have a whole lot to do today, including preparing a science lsson for TOMORROW. I was unable to do so yesterday since the teacher I am taking over for was not here and I have no idea where her students are in the curriculum. I spent all day getting history resources together, and have PLENTY do to for that class, but when it comes to science, I am at a loss. I have the Teacher's Edition of the book, and that is all.

Do I plan on being here ALL afternoon? Absolutely.

Everyone here is really nice, and they've all been super helpful in getting me prepared for what is to come this next semester. I am definitely nervous, but my fears are slightly calmed now that I have started getting things ready. My classroom still needs work, but I am broke so going to the Educator yesterday provided me with NOTHING on the budget I am working with until the first paycheck comes (which I think is not until next week).

I got to spend some time with Bethany yesterday, which was refreshing. I am looking forward to spending more time with her this semester. I miss my Baton Rouge friends, but now that I am realizing how many people I still have here, I am getting more excited about about being here than I already was. I already have plans for just about every night this week... and I thought I had no life in this city.

Big World, Here I come

The day has come.  I have a real job, and I start tomorrow.

Honestly, I'm not excited.  I thought I would be, but now that it's here, I'm not so sure this is what I want to do with my life, and now I'm kinda stuck, for at least a semester.  I'm trying to be optimistic.  I think it will be enlightening, and who knows, by the end of it I may fall in love like I did before I started student teaching.  For now, I am not ready, not at all.  

I think it's mostly because I feel unprepared.  I don't have a JPSB e-mail.  I don't have a solid schedule.  I don't know what classes I am going to be teaching on Wednesday.  No matter how hard I try, I haven't been able to write lesson plans because I haven't had any resources.  I don't even have a copy of the textbook, for either of the classes I am teaching.  

Then there's that whole thing about teaching science.  I don't do science.  I've been reading the curriculum and I'm not excited about it.  If I was going to teach something I wasn't certified in, I would hope it would be English or P.E. or Health, but 6th Grade Physical Science??!! Gosh!  It's a good thing physical science has always come easy to me, because I'm having to re-learn a good bit of basic information.  

I keep thinking that I'm going to show up tomorrow only for them to tell me that I don't have a job, since I haven't heard anything from them for a while.  I've signed the paperwork though, the job is mine, I've been there, seen the classroom, taken the drug test, etc...  It's my job.  

But what if I show up and they think I am too unprepared and they tell me it's not going to work and they make do with someone else?  I've got to stop doing this to myself.  

I'm listening to Tom Petty, singing "It'll all work out, eventually."  It never goes away, but it all works out.  Wisdom from the Elizabethtown soundtrack.  

I think I will be spending a good chunk of  the next month freaking out and crying and running around like a crazy person, and praying, praying hard, super hard.  I've got to focus.  It's a good thing I don't have a life in New Orleans, because if I did, I'd have to give it up, and we all know I'm not good at sacrificing socialization.  

I've been reading A Church Called Graffiti.  Chris and I found used copies of it in the basement of the strand last time I was in New York.  It's out of print, and we'd both been wanting to read it. I know anyone at that church would have gladly let me borrow a copy, but I wanted one of my own.  Mine is autographed.  Anyway, it made me miss my church, and the craziness that goes on there, and all of the ways I get to see God's hand in every situation there.  I'm working on seeing him in more situations here.  For now, I simply feel like I'm in the wrong city.  I know that's terrible, but I do.  

I LOVE New Orleans.  I truly do.  I can't imagine a more amazing place to have grown up.  Seriously.  I'm probably prouder of my hometown than anyone else who ever moves away from their home to explore new horizons.  I love it, and when I'm not here, I miss it, but I just feel like this is not where I'm supposed to be.  Temporarily, it is good, but I want to be in New York.  I feel more at peace there.  It's begun to feel like home.  I'm thankful for this opportunity to spend just a little bit more time in this city between college and real life, but I am still learning to appreciate being here.  

So, I'm praying, hard.  I hope in the next six months I manage to save up money like I plan to (I'm terrible at saving money).  I hope I find a job in the city where I feel most at home, and I hope the transition goes smoothly.  I'm praying that God will guide me through this job in Westwego without my insanity kicking in first.  I know he will, but it's hard.  I'm hoping to be a better planner, and to keep myself in a decent routine.  

Real world, I have arrived.  

New Year, New Job, Etc...

2009 is upon us, and I can't seem to grasp the concept that this truly is going to be a NEW year for me.  I am starting a new phase and I have decisions to make and major changes to deal with.

In four days I will start my new job, and I am not so sure I am ready.  Readiness aside though, I am excited.  I needed change, badly, and this is going to be a big one.  

Getting a real paycheck is not so bad either.  

The last few days I've been in Atlanta enjoying my last LSU football experience as a "student." The circumstances of this trip have lead us to having a rough time.  Nonetheless, my Tigers won (finally), and by A LOT.  The good times have been quite good.  But we had some major kinks getting here and it's kinda thrown off the whole atmosphere. 

About thirty miles west of Atlanta, we got into a bit of an accident.  Okay, a big accident.  Cole rear ended Sarah's car on the interstate because all of the cars on said interstate decided to come to a complete stop at the bottom of a hill where three lanes merged to two. 

It was not a pretty sight. 

We are now in two different cars than we came to Atlanta in, and praying we make it home without any trouble.  Talk about going out with a bang!  I've been on about 15 football trips, and NEVER have we had any accidents.  Flat tires, yes, but major accidents, no.  Thankfully no one was really injured, though Kayleigh and I both have nice bruises :)