So i've been Lazy

I don't have internet at my apartment, nor do I have a lot of time on my hands, so I've been pretty lazy with the whole "blogging" thing.

It's been great watching the Lord provide more and more as Christmas approached. I've been super busy, but at least I have money, even if I am behind on some bills. I have faith that he's taking care of that.

I've also gotten to see his provision in the Graffiti youth ministry. As our youth minister is leaving, we have been worried about what next semester would look like. I have not had the time or resources to commit myself to taking over, even if only temporarily, and it's been bugging me. After lots of prayer, God has allowed some doors to open to fix the time and resources issue, and I am super thankful for that. Programs should continue as always, and it's all because of him.

I've been dealing with some personal issues of my own in the last month or so too, in an area of my life I've always had trouble giving over to the Lord. I have decided, that since I can't seem to rely on him AND make it a part of my life, I'm totally giving this to him and not allowing it to be a part of my life at all for a little while. I'm essentially going on a "Romance Fast" as I am calling it. Every time I start to daydream, every time I want to watch a romantic movie or read a romantic book, I'm going to take that as a time to pray and focus on the Lord. I'm not doing the whole "Every guy I meet is potential" thing for a while. I'm not going to allow myself to lose confidence and be sad, I'm just going to totally turn it over. No more doing ANY of it on my own. None whatsoever. I think this is the only way I can stop allowing myself to get so sad over this one stinkin' little thing. I know he has it all laid out, and it's been hard for me to accept on a number of levels, but I'm giving it all over. That said, I'm going to need prayer as I do this. Lots of it. I've always been a hopeless romantic, and I'm giving that up for a while. It's a rough road, but I know that it's for the better and I'm going to be much happier. No more emotional masochism.

Soo, 2010 is going to be a year of change in my life and in the life of my church. I'm anxious to see where the Lord is taking it.

Carroll Gardens and such

I'm moving.

To a neighborhood I sometimes stroll for fun. I always dreamed of living there.

I think if you google "Perfect place for Danielle to live," this location might just pop up. (Okay, so MAYBE google doesn't know me that well yet, but if I were famous...)

I'm going to be sharing a room for only the second time in my life (the first time being when I lived in the dorm my freshman year). It'll be a challenge, but the roommate is great and so is the room.

We're on the border of Carroll Gardens and Red Hook. It was not the apartment, or even the location, we originally planned to get when we first started moving, but the Lord closes and opens doors in perfect timing, and just as the door to the other one closed, this one opened. We like it better :)

This neighborhood has all of the cool industrial stuff, which I love (call me weird...) BUT, it's also like 3 blocks from the Carroll Gardens/Cobble Hill area, which happens to be my absolute favorite part of Brooklyn. We're right be the highest subway station in NY, so every time I come home, I get a full view of the city, the Verrazzano Narrows Bridge, the Ocean, etc... It's nice!

I'm continuously amazed the the things God provides and how, even when I start to doubt myself, he finds a way to prove to me that he is behind everything and I have been making the right decisions.

This apartment is going to save me over 200 dollars/month, NOT TO MENTION, it's walking distance from work...

and we have a patio.

sweet.

Some Fish and some Loaves of Bread...

I love watching the Lord provide, and sometimes, I don't even see where his provision comes from, therefore, I KNOW it is him, which is cool.

Basically, I somehow managed to pay my rent for November, and eat the entire month of October, and buy a metro card, and go home, and take off three days of work, and not do ANY outside work, or get any random checks from Jefferson Parish, and pay for fingerprinting with the DOE, among many other things. NOT TO MENTION, my job alone, if working all of my shifts 100%, doesn't even cover rent + metrocard by itself (so basically, I've never survived without outside jobs or help), but, SOMEHOW, I only had to borrow $100 to cover the rent at the beginning of the month. I've looked over and over and over at it, and I still have absolutely no idea how I managed to pay for anything. but I lived comfortably this month and am completely amazed at how this happened!

It's kinda like that whole "Feeding the 5000" story. The Lord has managed to stretch out resources so they somehow seem to go much farther than they appear to be able to. Cool stuff.

Getting Used to Things

I've just returned from my second trip home since moving to New York.

For years, landing at JFK has brought a sense of home to my heart, long before moving, but this time, it felt extra strong. I needed that boost.

Trips home always remind me of the things I miss, and how much simpler life was when I was working, living for free, and had a solid group of friends to fall back on. I enjoyed the culture of my ultra-cool hometown/state, and spent time with people I love. It's hard to leave that, and when you're broke and not exactly sure where rent money is coming from, it's even more difficult.

Then, I landed, and I remembered, immediately, like a rush of water, just how at-home I am in New York, and how the Lord has been showing me that for years. When I am here, I see him in a whole different light, and he uses the people around me to reveal himself in that way.

Do I think he will keep me here forever? No.

Do I know where he will send me next? I have my ideas, but No.

This transitional point in life is rough, but his guidance has led me to believe that everything will work out. Somehow, the bills get paid. Somehow, I'm not gonna end up old and bitter and alone. His perfect plan never ceases to amaze me, and the way he's used this city to reveal that to me is something I could not be more thankful for.

On a side note: Laura's wedding was beautiful, and it was fantastic to see so many people I don't get to see very often. Getting to drive (and for MANY hours) was amazing too. I forgot just how much I look forward to road trips by myself as reflection time, and time for prayer. I was the only single woman at this wedding, literally, so the Lord and I, as always, had some long heated discussions on that area of my life while driving through the interstates of Louisiana and Mississippi (he of course, always has to remind me to be patient and to stop looking, which I, of course, am still learning to do). Overall though, I enjoyed the trip, and the people, but I am glad to be back in NY working with the youth. I missed them a whole bunch.

Houseguests and Such

So, life has been super busy this past week or so.  It reminds me of why I love living in New York.

Last Tuesday, I worked a total of 14 hours between Barnes and Noble and working for Tricia, got home at midnight, went to work from 9 am to 5:30 pm the next day, then to Wednesday night stuff at church.  That night, I relaxed with a cup of cocoa, a warm blanket, and a John Krasenzki movie.  

I went on to work Thursday and Friday, and welcomed houseguests Friday night.  They've been here ever since, so I've spent a lot of time getting to enjoy New York, including a broadway show, and a room full of LSU fans watching the amazing Georgia.  We also went to the Brooklyn Bus Festival, and free admission to the transit museum (ummm, yes please!).  It's been great.  

Today was after-school, and of course, it made me smile :)  Those kids just warm my heart so much.  I wish I could just be with them every day.  Tuesday is the only day I dread my Barnes and Noble job, because it means I am missing the after-school program.  We talked about making sacrifices and turning away from ourselves today, which was really cool. Chris and I are trying to come up with ideas for our Sunday afternoon outings for the semester, and it is a lot harder than it seems, but I've been praying that we find some fun places to go and things to do where we can really spend time with the youth and pour love into them.  

The joy I have from knowing I am following my calling to be here at this phase of my life is overwhelming. I cannot express it in a way anyone can understand.  Taylor called me into his office today just to talk, and we talked about what it's been like and the emotions I've dealt with and just how hard it really is to step out on faith, but the rewards are so great and I am so thankful.  I really have the best and most supportive church family a girl could ask for.  I love them so much.  

Discipleship

The new semester is in full-force now.  This week we kick of Connections on Wednesday nights, which will be yet another opportunity we have during the week to reach students.

We've decided that our theme for the semester will be Discipleship.  We're talking about what it means to be a disciple, how we can become disciples, who are disciples we can look up to, etc...  This goes for Sunday small groups, after school program, and Wednesday nights.  

Of course, in the process of planning lessons and praying about what to teach these kids, I'm learning more and more about being a disciple myself, and it's been great.  The Lord has helped me to translate these thoughts in ways that the kids can understand, and I have to say, that is 100% NOT my doing, it's all him.  Random stories and examples pop into my head, and I cannot thank him enough for them. 

Yesterday in small group we talked about how much I love my job, to the point in which I go above and beyond to do my best.  I do this because it is something I'm passionate about, and because I know that the more I put into it, the more my  managers will appreciate my being there, and they will be on my side when needed.  I got a call the other day from the 86th street Barnes and Noble, who said they had talked to Baton Rouge and they desperately wanted me in their store because, apparently, BR gave me raving reviews (something I'd heard from Brooklyn as well....).  This only happened because I had done my job to the absolute best of my abilities when I was in BR.  I am doing the same in Brooklyn, and already, it pays off.  I can tell I've won favor with those above me in the rankings.  This could lead to a number of things like additional hours, lead positions, etc... I love my job and don't feel like I'm going above and beyond simply for these reasons, I do it because I love it, not for recognition. 

That said, there are people who get paid the same as me, and do just enough to get by and keep their job.  I could just as easily do that, and be fine, and no one would care, but I am passionate about what I do, so I do more.  

This is how we should be with Christ.  We could easily go through the motions and do the basics, but there is such joy in knowing you're serving him to the fullest capacity humanly possible.  This is how true discipleship works.  To want to go above and beyond.  To want to serve as best as possible.  To want to learn more and do more.  This is the theme I'm trying to relate to the students.  I just hope I can relate it well. 

My prayer is that Chris and I have the wisdom to teach these students this concept in a way that they will embrace it, and go with it.  I pray they will have open hearts, and that they will come wanting to learn more.  

Back in the Groove

Yesterday I interviewed for another job, and basically, they didn't even ask any questions, they just offered it to me.  I quickly accepted.

It is seasonal work, but it could also lead to some tutoring positions in the near future.  I'll be working for a government-funded academic agency as a Field Representative.  What this means is that I'll be going to school fairs and expos and such trying to recruit clients for the company.  I get paid per fair, and per client.  They do free tutoring (but they pay the tutors), and so recruiting clients shouldn't be too difficult.  The lady I spoke with told me she would put me down as being interested in tutoring as well, so that when they start hiring on new tutors, I could possibly join that team.  

The cool thing about this job is that it gets my foot into the door at schools, literally.  I'll be interacting with teachers, parent coordinators, principals, etc...  That's a big deal.  Praise the Lord. 

Though that seems like it would be yesterday's biggest event, it was not.  The whole experience, including round-trip transportation and the interview, took less than an hour of my day.  What yesterday REALLY revolved around was the first day of this semester's Graffiti After School Program.  We've been waiting a long time for this to get going.  I cannot even explain how much I've missed seeing those kids each day.  

One of them came in very winded and threw her arms around each of us and said, "I was so excited, I ran up the stairs to see you guys, and I am out of breath."  That made my day. 

Things went very well.  They were all super hyper, but it was mostly because they were so excited to be there, which really made my heart happy :)  We got a couple of new kids, but most of them were back from last year.  We're going to be revolving all of our Bible studies and devotions this semester about what it means to be a disciple of Christ.  This goes for all programs.  My prayer is that the Lord can use us to speak to them and to help them grow, while we grow ourselves.  

Provision

The Lord has provided once again.

Not only did he, for the third time since my decision to move, provide me with an unexpected paycheck, he has also been providing ample opportunities for me to earn money. 

I am working full-time at Barnes and Noble, and through this, will be receiving benefits in the near future.  I love my job, and though it doesn't pay well enough for me to live on that income alone, it is enjoyable.  

I have been networking with fellow LSU alumn at the game-watching parties, and through that, I've been working like crazy for one of them this week.  It's been a great source of extra income for the time being.  

I also got a call from another agency through which I can get tutoring clients.  I'm hoping this picks up soon and I can get started on that job.  That's the one that's going to bring home the bacon. 

Having a busy schedule has been great for me mental health.  I was going insane sitting around with nothing to do.  Always having something on my plate keeps me levelheaded.  It's like the same thrill I get after a long run.  Exhaustion fuels me.  

Keep the prayers coming.  They have been paying off.  I'm in no one 100% financially stable, but at least I know I can pay one more month's rent.  At this point, that's what matters most. 

Broken

Ever feel like you've been punched in the stomach?

That's me right now.  I am truly broken.  

Barnes and Noble hasn't called me back.  They told me they'd call me this week to come in to get started. I talked to a manager this morning who said he was going to speak with someone to see when they wanted me to start, but I have a bad fear that something went terribly wrong and that I'm completely back to square one. 

My money is really very low.  It is scary low. We're talking, if money doesn't come in soon, I may have to move low.  I know the Lord has good plans for my life, and that he will take care of me, but it's difficult not to worry.  

I feel as though I'm treading water and and getting nowhere but exhausted.  I got in with the tutoring agency I interviewed with earlier this week.  That is all great except that they can't guarantee me clients, and even if they do, it's going to be mid-October before that would start.  I know they will be able to find some for me, but that doesn't help me now. 

I'm remembering other times in my life when I felt discouraged and broken, and how God got me through them, and it helps, but it still doesn't remove the feeling in the pit of my stomach. I had someone ask me yesterday if I thoroughly sought his guidance and his will when making my decision to move here, and though I know I did, it's times like these that cause me second guess myself in that area.  What if I am in the wrong place? What if I did misread him? I pray on this constantly.  I know exactly how I felt when I moved here, and there was no doubt in my mind I was making the right decision, but it's hard not to question when resources to stay are not falling into place.  

I am truly broken.  Please pray for this.  

Ups and Downs

I got a job at Barnes and Noble.

This is very exciting.  It is full-time, and after working 60 days, I am eligible for benefits.  Considering how much I loved my last Barnes and Noble job, I am very excited about working here in the city.  This location is in Downtown Brooklyn, right down the street from my favorite movie theater.  

That said, I was also very excited that I had started to line up tutoring clients.  At least two of the three of them seemed pretty legit, and were going to pay very well.  THEN I got the email I'd been dreading.  The one where it says "We sent you a check (yay), BUT, we sent it for the wrong amount and we need to you take out your share and wire us the rest of it." Or, as it should be better said "We're sorry, we don't need you to teach kids at all, we are in fact, trying to scam you into illegally sending us cash." 

I further researched this guy's email address only to find out he has no ties whatsoever to this agency.  

So now I'm back to square one with the tutoring stuff.  

Today, I am emailing the Transit Museum, who called me and told me to send them my information and resume because, even though they have just filled their education requirements for the fall, they are inevitably going to have more come up in the near future.  

This is very exciting for me.  Being a nerd, I LOVE that museum.  I pretty much read about the subways for fun...  (I found myself doing this for four hours yesterday).  SOOO, I would love the opportunity to work in their education department.  

For the few of you that read this, I ask that you continue to pray that tutoring jobs open up.  I have an interview with a legit agency here in the city tomorrow, and I would love it if that job could provide me with clients.  Thanks so much for your continued support.  

Frustration

Job-hunting is frustrating.  I know God has a job for me, but trying to find it is exhausting and stressful.

I might be more upbeat after I go to the interview with the tutoring agency next week.  I feel like I send out resume after resume, cover letter after cover letter, and I get nowhere.  

Last night, I tried to register to attend a career fair on Thursday.  I submitted my resume, and was expecting to get a call to schedule an interview.  I got a response, and I was really excited as I went to open the email.  Then, I read the email, which told me that they only wanted people who were ALREADY New York certified, and who had at least two years of experience.  None of which was stated in the add.

One step forward, two steps back. 

I'm sure one of these tutoring agencies will hire me, and one of the Barnes and Noble locations I've been to will want an experienced bookseller and give me a call, and perhaps even, I will find a way to get some funding to work more at Graffiti.  I don't know exactly how it will all work out, but it will.  That's the important part.  

I have been taking advantage of this time off as a gift from God.  I haven't had time off in several years.  I know I need to learn to just be still and rest, but not having anything to do drives me nuts, especially when I don't have any money to spend.  

I normally get really worried right before going to bed.  I've always struggled with that time of my day.  I get nervous, almost every night, about something.  Last night though, I had a strange occurrence.  I went to sleep optimistic.  I had a feeling that something good was going to happen in these next few days. 

I'm going with it. 

Moving Right Along

Though the job-search is stressful and Sometimes overwhelming, things seem to be moving along.

I have been dropping off applications at every Starbucks and Barnes and Noble I come across. Though I know I cannot live on what they pay me alone, a low paycheck is better than no paycheck at this point.

Tomorrow, I have a meeting with a temp agent who seems like he is very excited to help me. He was recommended by a friend, who not only recommended him to me, he also recommended me to him. This is a plus. Temp agencies are becoming my friends.

Just a few minutes ago, I recieved an email that one of the tutoring agencies I applied with has reviewed my application and has invited me to interview. It's one of the lower-paying agencies, but tutoring is flexible, and flexibility is a big deal in my life. I will be interviewing with them on September first. Please be in prayer for that.

This time off has really been teaching me to fully rely on God. Without him, I am nothing, and I cannot imagine how stressed and worried I would be right now. My friends and family have been super encouraging. Thank you for that. I am overwhelmed by the encouragement messages and prayers. I cannot thank everyone enough. I am not worried about what is going to happen because I know God has it all planned perfectly. I am supposed to be in New York right now, and he is going to make sure the right job comes along in a way that will still allow me to work with Graffiti, which is really why I am here.

Thanks again for all of your prayers. Keep 'em coming!

I have the best life

My life is awesome.  Really.  Today I was stressed and hot and sweaty and gross most of the day (and all I did was go to church twice).  Even in the heat and stress, I was reminded of how amazingly blessed I am to have been called to a corner of the country that brings me such joy, or is it that I experience said joy because I'm following a calling?

I do a lot of walking these days.  There are a number of reasons for this. 

One: I am trying to get exercise.  I left my good sports bras dirty and sweaty hanging in the bathroom in Puerto Rico.  This prevents me from going on my daily runs, and seeing as how I am broke, I don't know when this problem will be fixed. 

That leads me to reason two.  

I am trying to avoid buying unlimited subway passes, which means I am trying to avoid using the subway at all. I walked to Graffiti today, and the time I got to talk to God and experience the streets of New York was worth the nasty sweat that covered my pretty blue shirt by the time I arrived on East 7th street. 

Again tonight, I decided to take a walk.  I went to church with my roommate on 22nd street in Chelsea.  After good teaching and great music, Cassy got on the train to go home, and I decided to walk to fourteenth street and do some thinking (and, I admit, some job hunting).  

Reason three for walking everywhere: the reflection time.  iPod in tow or sans iPod, depending upon the mood, there is something about strolling around the streets of New York that opens my brain to beautiful thoughts.  It gives me time to converse with my Lord, and learn from him.  I get to people watch.  I love it. 

Walking around today reminded me of how great my life is.  I cannot imagine being happier, despite being completely jobless and running low on money.  I am finally at a very content point in my life.  I'm pursuing my version of the American Dream: being a broke single woman in her early twenties who lives in a big city and somehow finds ways to fund unique experiences, all while serving the Lord and helping those around her.  

This is the life. 

Red Beans and Rice Didn't Miss Her

So, I'm still jobless.

In an effort to relieve the stress of job hunting, as well as an attempt to productively use the time off I've been handed, I am learning to cook.  

My recent interest in all things food has inspired me to stop sitting around TALKING about cooking and watching others cook.  I'm cooking.  

Today's attempt, something cheap and easy for a low-income inexperienced chef: 

Red beans and rice. 

I've always been one to say never trust a recipe.  It's almost always better when you change things up a bit.  When I was in high school, I used to make roll-out cookies all the time, only there was something different about mine, and no one ever knew they were Pillsbury.  I could make them my own. 

Even my pancakes differ from the back of the Jemima box.  I add and tweak to make it unique to me.  Pancakes have become my specialty.  

The red beans and rice were no exception to my add and tweak rule.  I have to say, for my first attempt at such a special dish, they came out pretty darn good. I have some changes I want to make for next time, but isn't that how the best of recipes are created?  

So now, I'm going to enjoy my red beans, which have a unique taste I've never experienced before now.  The rest will be frozen, which means they only get better with time.  

So I wanna be a writer

My writing skills are not so good anymore. I'm working on that.

I don't have a topic to write about. I'm working on that as well.

Jess says I should write about my love of sports. I've considered this. That said, I'm going to blog about what I am doing tonight.

After a semi-uneventful day in Milwaukee yesterday, we returned to Chicago very late. We've been discussing gracing Wrigley Field with our presence tonight, so upon my return from brew-town, I tried to browse stub-hub. Last I'd checked tickets were not set at ridiculous prices, so I was preparing myself for about a thirty dollar purchase.

Thirty dollars is what I'd payed for my last trip to Fenway. That, to me, is a very reasonable price for seeing the team with the most interesting history in baseball play in the park with the most interesting history in baseball.

The Cubs, in my own personal opinion, are the second most interesting team in baseball with the second most interesting park in baseball.

When we got to the apartment last night, stub hub was not working properly. We had to wait until this morning to buy tickets.

I have six words for the Cubs now

Who do you think you are?

We had to pay an obnoxious amount for our not-so-good seats to a night game. Now I know, this is a big game, and I'm excited. Pedro is pitching for the Phillies. It's Wednesday Night Baseball. I'm seeing Samardzija for the second time in person (once I saw him play football for Notre Dame). I'm not regretful. I'm glad we bought the tickets. I will be very proud to have attended this particular game.

BUT, I think it's absurd how much they charged for this experience. I could have, of course, not paid it, but I'm pretty sure I'd be very very sad if I did not.

Tonight should be nice. Watching the Bayou Brothers represent, and taking in the atmosphere of ONE of the most historic ballparks for the first time will be a worthwhile experience.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Somewhere between New York City and Chicago

I love Chicago.

It's different. It's not what I expected it to be. It feels smaller than I had anticipated.

But I love Chicago.

As far as feeling like a turn-of-the-20th Century midwestern town, it's right on, and I love it for that reason. I haven't gotten to explore much at this point, but I am enjoying what I've experienced so far.

Most of all, I'm enjoying Jessica time. I miss mer a lot.

Last night, my new friend Tommy that I met in Puerto Rico (but lives here), took us out for a little bit of an insider perspective of things, as well as a great dinner. He and his friend Roy were lots of fun, and they've been here for a long time, so it was kinda neat to hear the stories they had.

We did lots of walking, talking, and drinking coffee.

Or in Jeopardy terms: What are Danielle's three favorite things to do in a big city?

After the dinner we had (which is at a place known for its large portions), it was nice to just stroll along the river and enjoy the city lights while getting to spend time with fantastic people. It reminded me of some nights I've had in New York this summer (most of which have involved frozen yogurt). The difference is, here, I'm exploring somewhere new, which makes it even sweeter.

On the flight over, I slept as always, except about forty-five minutes into the flight, I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep. This normally, would frustrate the heck out of me, seeing as how I prefer to sleep from takeoff to touchdown. This time though, I decided to have some quality God time. I was listening to a worship playlist on my iPod and really thinking about the words in some of those songs, and how lately, despite serving as a missionary and enjoying the heck out of it, I've been a bit stale in my relationship with him. It's been driving me nuts. On the plane though, I started to get it. I started to really see the things he's done in my life. I broke out my Bible and started reading. As someone who normally does this daily, it shouldn't seem like a big deal, but like I said, stale lately. Most of my recent Bible reading hasn't been with the heart I know I should have.

I normally always choose an aisle seat, but for some reason yesterday when I got on the plane (and Southwest lets you choose as you get on), I decided to sit by the window. I stared out over the view and thought of all the things I've been blessed with, and the experiences I've had, and I was reminded to stop feeling sorry for myself. I cannot imagine having a greater life. Why am I trying to dwell on the things I cannot control and make myself miserable, when I could just as easily be admiring the blessings and realizing what it is I have. Even some of the things I think I want in my life, when I really look at it, I don't have any need for right now. I should enjoy being young and single in a new city, and all of the opportunities that lie within that.

So my Chicago experience so far hasn't been tainted with any negativity, and I feel my stale period coming to an end (thank goodness!).

So yes, I'm behind

Life has been a bit crazy.  I apologize for the whole four of you that ever read what I write for being behind.

After returning from Louisiana, we were pretty much  non-stop until after Puerto Rico.  

Children's ministry, as many of you know, is NOT my thing.  I LOVE the babies until they are five, then I don't want to see them again until they're about twelve.  So, for two weeks, I was working with the children's summer camp, and it really pushed me.  our summer camp for kids is from 9-6, so it's a full day.  

The first week was fantastic.  We were out in the city for "See NYC Week," where we took the kids to museums, the Empire State Building, the Statue of Liberty, the Central Park Zoo, etc...  Despite having to get used to a bunch of kids who don't listen the first (or second, or third, or fourteenth) time you tell them to stop walking or to stop talking, I really enjoyed this week.  It made me think I could possibly work with kids more often.  

Then came cheerleading camp, which REALLY tested my patience.  I don't think it helps that I was completely exhausted on the first day, which pretty much set the tone for the rest of the week.  The weather was bad, I was extremely tired, and working with 20 little girls all week really really pushed me.  I'm much better with little boys.  I don't put up well with the whining and crying.  That said, by the end of the week, I was starting to enjoy myself, and wishing I would have started the week off on a more positive note.  

Then came Puerto Rico.  

Can I go back?

I LOVED PR!  The kids loved PR, and after a really rocky start, that made it all worthwhile.  

Our trip down there was horrendous!  After staying up all night, catching a shuttle the airport at 2:30, getting the to the airport before it opened and having to wait outside for forty-five minutes, we finally got on a plane, which took us to DC, where we had to wait two hours, then fly to St. Thomas, where we had to sit on a plane for an hour, then fly to San Juan, wait an hour for our ride to arrive, and drive an hour and a half to Juna Diaz.  So, in total, we ended up traveling something like, 16 hours.  THEN, the kids were a little disappointed that they weren't exactly staying in luxury suites (okay, let's be for real, it was NOTHING like a luxury suite).  Many of them broke out in tears and couldn't wait to go home, but after sleeping, checking out the facility a little bit more, and getting settled in, they realized that they all loved it there. 

Over the course of the week, we got to interact with them and teach them about being true disciples of Christ, as opposed to simply believers.  As always, with working in youth ministry, God used the lessons we were teaching them and helping them to understand, and used them to help me grow in my own faith.  I was dealing with some internal struggles throughout the week, and God really worked on my heart.  

To top all of that off, we were on a beautiful beach of volcanic sand, out in the sun getting a tan, and interacting with some amazing people.  On our last day, we drove out into some woods to find a secluded beach with the clearest water I could ever imagine, and then we ate at a fantastic seafood place.  We shared great conversation, and good downtime.  I could have stayed another month.  

Now that I'm home, I've been trying to job-hunt, which is easier said than done.  I am also preparing for another trip, to Chicago to see Jess.  I leave tomorrow.  We're going to play around in the Windy City for a week while she gets used to her new home.  Considering I've never been and have wanted to go since the fifth grade, I am super duper excited. 

So yes, that is all that has been going on.  I could use some prayer on the whole job-search thing. 

Can't Put a Price on What it's Worth

First trip home is over.

For the first few days I was in Louisiana, I couldn't wait to come back.  I wanted the comforts I've grown accustomed to.  I wanted my bridges.  I wanted my bedroom.  I wanted Graffiti. 

but by Wednesday or so, I was enjoying my home territory once again.  

The rain, the humidity, the heat... no, I don't miss those.  It's the sights, the sounds, even the smells, and most of all, it's the people. 

I LOVE our culture.  I love sharing it with New Yorkers.  I often refer to myself as an ambassador of the greatest place in the country.  No one can mistake my loyalties. 

Dan and Maddie's wedding was as great a reunion as I had expected it to be.  I realized just how much I love my friends from college, and just how much I have been blessed to have them.  I cannot imagine what the last five years of my life would have been like had I never met those people.  The memories are sweet, and the time I get to reminisce with them even sweeter.  After the wedding, we went to the Chimes and just talked and laughed and enjoyed good company.  I am thankful for that opportunity.  No plane ticket would be too expensive to experience that sort of joy.  

Now I'm back in New York, reacquainting myself with the loves I have here.  I look forward to what the next several months of my life may hold. 

Purple

My bedroom is purple.  I will post pictures soon.

Cody is here in place of Chris, while he is off adventuring on work-related trips for the next two weeks (camping in Colorado, mission trip in Puerto Rico--- hard life...).  Anyway, she came by on Saturday and helped me settle on a color, and then put it on the walls.  We had a great time, and considering I was planning on painting alone, I'm glad I got her help.  I think if I'd have been by myself, I would have gotten lazy and stopped somewhere to break, only to never finish.  

The craziness starts next week.  Kids-camp, summer programs for the teenagers, outings, etc...  I've still got to find a job for the fall, and possibly even something to do in the meantime while I am here.  

Prayers are appreciated...

Next week, I'm going home for a few days and I am SUPER excited.  It's my first trip home as someone who lives away.  I'm looking forward to seeing the family, lovin' on the babies, and visiting friends in Baton Rouge.  The trip is short but I am very thankful for it nonetheless.  

Upon my return, I will be just two short weeks away from Puerto Rico!  I cannot wait to see what God is going to do in the lives of our students while we are down there.  

After Puerto Rico, I'm off to Chicago for a while to see Jess, then I'm gonna go home and spend a week or two with the family before the craziness starts back here.  

Basically, the next two months of my life are jam packed with lots of things to do and see.  

In the meantime, I've been trying to get up and go running to explore my new neighborhood.  I woke up an hour later than planned today, so I'm not going to get to go as far as I would like, but I'm about to go back and do one of my new favorite runs - the Williamsburg Bridge!  From that bridge, there is a view of both Lower and Midtown Manhattan, PLUS, the two bridges south of it.  Really, I think it's the best bridge to run across in New York, and I am so thankful that God has blessed me with an apartment so close to it.  

The location of my new purple-room couldn't be more perfect.  My train ride to work is only five minutes long! The walks to and from the train can be long at times, but you really cant beat a five minute train ride when you live in Brooklyn and work in Manhattan.  Well, I guess if I lived at the Bedford stop instead of Graham I could... but still... it's a quick trip. 

Off to run!

Craziness

As of last night, I'm in the new apartment.

This is VERY exciting.  I have a lot to do to make this space my own, but It definitely feels cozy. Of course, despite the fact that I'm eternally grateful to Nicole and Chelsea for letting me stay at their place, just about anything is cozier than an air mattress in someone else's living room.  

I am looking around thinking of all the great things I can do with this bedroom.  It's decently sized for a New York apartment, and I can paint it however I choose, but it does lack a window (which is really difficult to get used to).  I forgot just how weird it is to wake up at 7am and have it feel like the sun hasn't come up yet.  

The coolest part is, I am a fairly short walk from the subway, which is only 3 stops from 1st Ave, which is a fairly short walk to Graffiti, so I'm looking at about a 15-20 minute commute :)  This is exciting.  

I think on Saturday I may try to make a trip to IKEA to get some decorative ideas.  I cannot wait to see this place turn into my room! 

"Rain Sensitive"

I am one of those people who gets sad when it rains.

I can try not to, but it just doesn't work. 

On days where there is a constant rain, I have a hard time getting myself off the couch to do just about anything.  Then I get sad and lonely and girly and emotional.  

I like the sunshine.  It fits my personality better. 

Yesterday was a long, unproductive day.  It was one of those days that almost feels wasted, as though time was actually taken from me. 

I took several naps, I went to Atlantic Terminal for a little while, shopped in a daze, had ice cream with Chris (though I was in a cloud so I don't recall much about our conversation), came home, watched When Harry Met Sally, got dinner from 67 Burger, watched seven episodes of Friends, ate some super fattening New York Super Fudge Chunk ice cream, and went to bed. 

Sometimes I think of those days a blissful and relaxing.  Yesterday, it just felt downright depressing.  

Thankfully, the weather is much better today, so I can actually go run.  A good run always kick starts my day a little better.  PLUS, there's more LSU baseball today (though I don't know where I'm watching it), and tonight I'm going to Brooklyn Tabernacle with the semi-roommates and some other friends.  There's supposed to be Junior's cheesecake involved in that outing... 

Better Than Ezra is playing near Union Square tonight, and I would LOVE to see them, but since my concert-partner (Jessica), is like, 1500 miles from here, and I haven't yet found a New York concert buddy, I'm gonna miss out :(  

Nonetheless, today seems like a much better, brighter day.  Birds are chirping.  I think that's a good sign. 

Chinatown

Soooo, I've never been a big fan of Chinatown.  Perhaps its because I feel like such a cultural outsider when I'm there.  Or, perhaps its because I don't care all that much bout designer purses so there's really no reason for me to be there.  Either way, I experienced it in a way like no other on Tuesday.

One of the people from our mission team invited me to go with her to a friend's wedding.  This particular team was from Texas, and through a long history of Bible studies at a certain Chinese  restaurant there, this lady became friends with this girl who then, in turn invited her to her wedding in New York. 

Upon arrival, we were told by the host at the door of the restaurant that they couldn't seat us because they were "full."  When we informed them that we were there for the wedding, they just gave us a funny look.  Then, the bride finally saw Kim, the lady I was with, and she gestured for them to let us in.  

We became instant celebrities.  Fortunately, we sat at a table with one of the only people there who spoke any English, a cousin who was a recent graduate of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill (so yes, a very smart cousin).  Lisa, whose real name I cannot pronoun

ce, helped us to understand the customs and cultural differences.  She also gave us some interesting insight into Chinese traditions.  

According to Lisa, they are all pretty-much first the first generation in the family to not have arranged marriages.  That said, the bride and the groom's families are from different provinces, which, to Chinese people, is a big deal.  For the first few years of the relationship, her family did not exactly approve of him for this reason.  This feeling faded as the families grew closer.  

Lisa then told us that the wedding is more of a giant party and show than a ceremony.  The bride changes clothes four or five times, and while she is in the back changing, there are performers.  At this wedding, there was a magician, and a pop star (Who tried to sing one song in English and had NO IDEA what the words were or how to pronounce them.  It 

  gave me an entirely new perspective on Shania Twain).  Apparently, this singer is a big deal in the Chinatown community.

Throughout all of this, there is a ten course meal being served, one plate at a time.  They put a platter on the table, we quickly picked through it and got what we wanted, 

then they take it away an put another.  Some of the food was awfully scary.  We would ask Lisa what it was and she would say "Some kind of seafood, but I don't kno

w what kind," or "It's a bird, but I don't know what bird."  I ate what I felt I could eat without seeming culturally rude or ignorant.  

For the first time in my life, I really knew what it felt to be the cultural outsider. 

 I didn't understand the customs, the language, or the food, but I enjoyed myself nonetheless.  I kept thinking that this must be what it felt like for the international students at LSU when we take them places where they are surrounded by Americans.  Everyone was staring at us, watching how we did things, trying to help us without speaking the language, and all-in-all, enjoying the show.  Even the cameraman kept coming back to our table.  

This wedding reminded me of why I love anthropology and cultural studies.  I was intrigued.  I am so thankful that we were placed at the table with Lisa, who had the most interesting things to say about the way things were done among the Chinese.  I couldn't stop taking pictures and asking questions.  

That said, I will never make fun of the new person at the crawfish boil again.... 

Well, maybe just a little. 

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn

I've been enjoying the heck out of Chelsea's neighborhood.  It smells of history.  The trees are GORGEOUS, yes, trees, and lots of them.

Just this morning, I got a chance to go for a nice long run (only the second time since I've been here.  I'm slacking, I know).  I ran down Fulton Street, and up Flatbush to the Manhattan bridge, which I wanted to cross, but I wasn't sure I had the time.  I circled back through downtown Brooklyn, and thought of all of the interesting things that go on there. Upon my return trip, I got a great view of the Brooklyn Bridge with the Financial District in the background, an I thanked God for allowing me to live here.  

Apartment hunting has been a beast, but yesterday, I think I found a place.  I've been pretty set upon staying in the Fort Greene/Park Slope/Clinton Hill vicinity, but I expanded my search options to Williamsburg, and I got a winner.  I found this place on the Redeemer website (it's a church website that also has classifieds), and it's almost perfect.  The girls seem really nice, and its a great community lifestyle.  They have a houseful of guy friends right down the street.  The rooms I saw were great (one is more expensive but its HUGE, and its probably the one I will end up with since the smaller cheaper one may be taken), and the neighborhood is perfect.  The best part is, I'm only three L stops from church if I live there.  That's right, THREE stops.  It takes all of fifteen minutes, walking time included, to get to Graffiti.  

I am praying about it to make sure it's the right place for me, but I'm thinking it may be home.  I always bring Chris along to feel out the neighborhood and to make sure that I'm getting a good feel for the people, and this was the first time that we both agreed that this was a good place (well, most of the time we both agreed it wasn't).  I also had a strange "we know people that know the same people" moment with the people that lived there, which was kinda crazy.  I'm thinking this may be the place, I just have to give God time to let me know.  

"Start Spreadin' The News. I'm Leavin' Today"

Sitting in Louis Armstrong always makes for an interesting morning.

This one is even more so. 

This time around, I have no return flight booked.  I'm leaving "home" for the last time, and from now on, when I am here, it will be as a guest.  

This is all finally starting to hit me.  

I'm excited, thrilled really, so don't get me wrong, but there's a charm I'm going to miss here that I just don't get anywhere else.  (not to mention family, friends, etc...)

The comfort bubble is GONE from this point on.  No matter how much I convince myself that New York is within my comfort zone, I am giving up a lot to go.  Sacrifice is important, though.  I can't imagine not going at this point.  

So the next posts will be about my adventures BACK in the city.  For good. 

Transitioning

The time frame I currently find myself in is a strange one.

Everything is sad.  Everything is a goodbye.  Everything is a last.  

Even packing up my classroom had an eerie sadness to it (not to mention that Brandi was pretty much depressed the whole time... that didn't help).  

I keep realizing that, when I go places and do things, it's the last time I'm doing them as a resident of Louisiana.  There's just something a bit depressing about that.  

Everything makes me nervous.  Everything scares me a little. 

Emailing people about apartments and getting responses has been more frightening than I expected.  It's a weird feeling having strangers email you and tell you they will see you on Saturday, and that you may potentially be LIVING with them.  

Realizing that I may not have a job teaching come August makes me a little nervous as well.  Not worried, just nervous.  There's a difference. 

At the end of the day, thankfully, the feeling that dominates all others is happiness, and excitement.  Though I have to remind myself often, I still know that what I am doing is what I've always wanted to do, and that I'm going to be a part of something bigger than I am.  

It makes my heart warm to know that I get to be in the city that stole my heart for good.  No more running off to it every time I get a break.  It is going to be home.  I'll miss my true home, sure, but when it comes down to it, I can't wait for what's to come.  

Magazine Street + CC's Iced Latte + 79 degrees on a spring day = Happiness

God's little blessings need to be noted.

Today was a fairly easy day at work, and afterward, I got to go home at a decent time (something that's been happening a LOT lately!).  My parents invited me out to dinner, so after going to fill out the sad paperwork that terminates my gym membership at the end of the month, we went to eat, and I decided that, since it was still fairly early, I'd come take in the late afternoon on my favorite street.  

I don't have many Magazine Street afternoons left to enjoy.  I thought it best to take advantage of the weather and make the most of the day God has blessed me with.  

I brought along my Apologetics Study Bible, which as become a good friend of mine lately, and the notebook in which I've been keeping notes an thoughts in preparation for my upcoming ministry experience.  I've never felt more prepared going into a summer of missions as I do now, but maybe that's because, this time around, I have experience.  It's been awesome seeing God's work in my life lately.  I feel refreshed and reenergized.  Like my own private revival.  It's been great, truly.  

This city never ceases to make me smile.  no matter how much I may say I'm ready to leave, and no matter how many times I might count down the days, I really am going to have a hard time being away from some of the pleasures of my great home.  

In the words of Bob Dylan:  "There are a lot of places I like, but I like New Orleans better." 

I am so thankful to God for bringing me into the world in such a beautiful and unique place.  I am also thankful for parents who always made me appreciate my roots.  

For the next ten days, I'm soaking it up.  Praise the Lord for weather like this!  There's truly NOTHING like a spring day in South Louisiana. 

Stepping Out on Faith

Faith.

It's one of those words we hear often, usually thrown about in the midst of some sermon about salvation, and often taken for granted.  

Lately though, for me, every time I hear the word faith, it has struck a nerve.  Every time.  

Needless to say, it was amazing to me this morning when Pastor Mike told us that his entire sermon was going to be about people with the gift of faith.  The gift of faith, wow, now I get it.  

You see, I'm not a worrier.  Sure I struggle with things, and sure sometimes I panic, but when it comes down to it, I always know God has it under control.  This, usually, to others, ends up seeming crazy.  

The last couple of summers, when I served as a summer missionary, I had LOTS to do and prepare, and often, it seemed to everyone else that I didn't have all of my ducks in a row because I didn't know 100% what I was getting myself into months before I left and didn't have everything ready to go.  For example, it was two days before I left last summer when I finally got someone to sublet my apartment and pay the rent I wasn't sure I would be able to pay while I was gone.  Interestingly enough, I never worried about that.  Not once.  I knew God had led me to New England, and I prayed that he would put all of those details into place, and even when it seemed that I should start worrying, I didn't.  

I've been dealing with this a lot lately.  Everyone is super freaked-out over my big move, but I am not in the least worried about anything.  When it comes to doing God's will, I never have any worries.  I know God has led me to New York, and when the opportunity came up to do what seemed like something completely nuts, I took it.  

Chris Belser told me the other day that when he was talking to my former mentor-teacher, she kept telling him how she worried about me moving to New York and not having a job lined up for the fall.  I laughed.  I am not at all worried about this.  Pastor Mike said this morning that people who do not have the gift of faith don't understand those of us who do and the decisions we often make.  We are not confined by our circumstances.  We do things that often seem crazy.  This is when I realized this was one of my gifts.  A gift I am extremely thankful for.  

I'm going to New York in less than three weeks.  I have a little bit of savings.  I have a couch to crash on for a little while.  No I do not know where I'm going to live.  No I do not know where I'll be working in the fall.  What I do know is that I am going to be a part of a ministry that changed my life, and I get the greatest joy knowing that.  I also know that God may be using this opportunity to lead me into something that satisfies my hear more than teaching.  Something that uses my gifts in a more fitting way. 

Do I know how this is going to play out in terms of my finances? No.  But I have a feeling God has that under control.  

I have situations in my life that I have a hard time turning over to God, but I've come to realize that even those things are out of my control, and that he knows what he's doing.  Today we read the story of Hannah in 1 Samuel.  She wanted more than anything to have a child, and she was not able to.  She was always a faithful person, but she had difficulty dealing with this issue.  Finally, she cried out to God, and let him handle it.  She stopped trying to handle it herself.  And whatd'ya know, he took care of it.  He knows what he's doing. We learn from waiting for things.  I've cried out to God to deal with my own issues that I have a hard time letting him handle, and I feel like a burden has been lifted from my shoulders. 

I cannot express the peace I feel in this decision to move.  It's the most comforting and beautiful feeling I've ever had.  I wish I could share it with others so they could see the adventure I am embarking upon and feel this beauty for themselves.  Then they might understand.  

For now, I'm going to enjoy the "Are you nuts?" looks I get from people when I tell them where I'm going and what I'm doing.  

South Louisiana is in my Soul

I drove to Baton Rouge last night to visit with my friends.

They were wrapping up finals, and I hadn't seen many of them in a whil

e, so I thought it would be nice to go and spend time with some people I miss.  

Baseball at the Box is a fantastic way to start any weekend, so I bought a ticket early Friday morning (it still kills me to pay for a ba

seball ticket), and I took in my third LSU baseball game of the season.  Beating Florida at just about ANYTHING always makes for a good night.  We decided we wanted to play, like the old days.  

We followed the game with a trip to Celebration Station for a little mini-golf action, and I laughed more than I've laughed in a while.  I was in a giggly mood and it felt GREAT.  I realized just how much I missed my friends, and it made my time with them even sweeter.  After mini-golf (which I lost, horrifically), we went to a Circle K and got Icees.  Strawberry Icees are something no one should go very long without in lif

e.  We took them downtown, and attempted to go for a walk on the levee, but it was even sketchier down there than normal on this particular night.  As a result of the sketch-factor, we decided to go explore the Port Allen levee across the river, which Chris claimed was really nice.  It was. 

While taking in the view of Baton Rouge, I, as always, reminded myself of how truly blessed I was to spend the best years of my life there, and how, no matter what, it will always hold a special place in my heart, even if it isn't the big, booming city I prefer to live in.  

      

 We took the old bridge back, just to add to the adventure of it all.  I always thought that bridge was ultra-creepy when I lived there, but I've driven across the original Huey P. so many times in the last few months that it makes the Baton Rouge Huey seem a much less scary.  I love driving up 110 when you come around that corner where you can see the Capitol clearly.  It was a great way to end the night. 

This morning, after being lazy for a while, we got crawfish and daiquiris and ate and drank them on campus.  The weather was PERFECT, as was the company.  It was so beautiful, in fact, that Kayleigh, Caitlin, and I drove over to visit Mike, who was resting gloriously in the shade (you know, some o

f those trees they put in that 2.2 million dollar habitat of his).  

As I drove around Baton Rouge, and as I drove back home, I couldn't help but note how wonderful a time I'd had.  I couldn't stop smiling.  I have really had the best life, and am so blessed in so many ways.  I grew up in the greatest corner of the country, and am so thankful for that.  I'm also

 thankful for the opportunity to go elsewhere and see what else the world has to offer.  

South Louisiana, you will be missed. 

Humility

A couple of years ago at Sojourn Tuesday night Bible study, Andrew had us do an exercise of sorts.  He gave us each a blank sheet of paper and some colored pencils and told us to draw a landscape that reminded us of God's glory.  Something that, when we looked at it, we were humbled and in awe.

Immediately, I began drawing just that, and as Andrew looked down at my paper, he noted "Danielle, this doesn't mean draw New York City," (despite the fact that he also has served as a summer missionary there).  I assured him that I had a good explanation.  

Truth be told, there is a warm feeling in my heart every time I get a glimpse of the city lights, especially when riding across one of the bridges on the subway.  All I can think is "wow, God, thank you for this."  It never fails.  I once read a book that called such moments "kisses from God."  When I look at such things, that is exactly what it feels like.  The sights, the smells, the people, are all reminders of how amazing God is, and I am humbled.  Just think, each of the people you come into contact with on the streets each day was created by him with as much detail and attentiveness as the next person.  We are each precious creations to him.  

The buildings, the lights, the bridges, are all miracles to me.  I'm amazed that God gave us the creative ability to engineer such marvels.  In the end though, it is he who makes each possible.  

Isaiah 66:2 says "My hand made all of these things, and so they came into being.  I will look favorably on this kind of person: one who is humble and submissive in spirit, and who trembles at my word."

I don't know about you, but for me, being looked upon favorably by God has got to be the greatest thing possible.  I often have to second guess how favorably he looks upon me, and I won't lie, I tend to forget these sorts of things sometimes.  Today though, I was running through Uptown New Orleans and realizing that he made all of that beauty possible.  I was reminded of the exercise Andrew had us do, and tonight, while having some quality time with my amazing God (what a privilege!), he brought me to that verse.  

Once again, I am humbled.  Fo real. 

Thursday Night Love

I am going to miss my Thursday nights.  There are four of them left before the big move, and they are going to be the best I can possibly make them.

In college, Thursday night meant TNT, so I always made sure I had NOTHING productive to accomplish on a Thursday.  It was my night to spend with friends, watch movies, and try really hard not to think about all of the stressors affecting my life.  It worked wonders for my stress level.

I lost a little bit of it last semester when I had to babysit every Thursday, but I promised myself I would get it back. 

This semester, Thursday nights have been spent with Jessica.  She and I always make plans to do something that can only get our minds off of the real issues facing us.  I don't let myself worry about staying up too late, or being too stressed on Friday.  We usually go out for wine and cheese or something of the like.  Sometimes we go to dinner.  Sometimes, like last night, we simply sit the house and watch a movie.  It's wonderful, and necessary.  And I will miss it. 

I hope to continue this tradition somehow in New York.  For now, I'm going to make the most o the four Thursday nights with Jess that I have left before the big day.  Maybe I'll get to New York and find some great man to take me out on Thursday night dates...  until then, I have a date with Jess each and every Thursday.  Thank goodness for that! 

Good Friends, Good Times

Since this time last year when Laura Little decided to puddle-hop her way down to St. Kitts, I have not gotten the quality time with her I so cherished when she was in Baton Rouge.  These occasional Skype chats and phone calls from random New Jersey numbers just aren't the same as kicking back with a glass of wine (hoping the pretty labels tell what's inside...), and enjoying a good conversation with a good friend.

In September, my awesome friend drove three hours to go have dinner with me for an hour, and then drove back.  She is that amazing.  

Last night, I drove to Baton Rouge to meet up with her.  When I was watching the Biel children last semester, their dad gave me a gift certificate to his restaurant, The Bonefish Grill.  Dinner for two up to 45 dollars.  I finally got to use it.  Laura and I went to the fancy establishment, and she, because she is awesome, covered the difference after the 45 dollars.  We had the best time I can remember having in Louisiana in a long time.  Crab cakes, juicy filet mignon, strawberry shortcake, and two glasses of the best white wine I've ever had....  so worth the drive.  

The best part though, was the amazing girl bonding time that I've missed so much.  So many nights Laura would come to my rescue when I was having a "girl moment," and just needed someone to eat ice cream with, and to tell me to stop being silly. My heart and my mind have a hard time communicating.  My mind knows a lot of practical things that my heart tends to have a problem accepting.  There's a short in the connection.  Laura, even if only briefly, always finds a way to connect them for me.  For some reason, she never fails to make me feel better.  

I have missed this.  I miss the good company.  Unfortunately, as much as I'd like to, I cannot afford to fly down to St. Kitts each time I have Laura withdrawals.  This only perpetuates the problem.  I know we are bound to live in separate places for pretty much the rest of our lives, but I have to say, it makes driving to Baton Rouge for dinner with a friend ever so sweet.  

To my Laura, what would I do without you? 

Less than five

I've never in my life thought five weeks seemed like such a long time.

When first considering the sudden move, I felt as though six weeks was the shortest time period possible.  Now that I'm ready to go, the remaining four weeks and five days feel like an eternity.  

I can't wait to step off the plane and realize that it I will be stepping off as a New York resident, no longer a frequent visitor.  Chills run down my spine just thinking of it.  I am excited, to say the least.  It blows my mind to think that, after all these years, I'm going.  No turning back. 

I will miss my friends down here, but when I think of all the things I miss in New York, I can't wait to be with them.  My New York friends are really under my skin.  For those of you who read this, please note that you are tremendously missed and I can't wait to be with you all the time.  We're almost there.  

I cannot wait to be at Graffiti every Sunday.  For the past two years, I thought of that church each Sunday, and dreamed of the day I could join them for good.  Even more exciting, I cannot wait to see how God uses this summer to shape my life.  As much work as I plan to do for him, I know he always seems to outdo me in terms of returns...  that is why he is God and I am not.  

It is super difficult to focus right now, knowing what I will be doing shortly.  Chelsea is good at helping me feel like I can quit :)  I thank her for this.  Each time I call, I ask "Can I move today?"  She always responds with a yes. Chris, on the other hand, likes to remind me that I have to stick around to get the paycheck so that I can afford to move... and that my kiddos still need to learn whether they want to or not. I don't like being reminded that I have to be responsible.  I want to be working with the youth, and being with my friends.  Not to mention all of the prep work I still have to do between now and then...  Truth is though, that is exactly why I need to be reminded. 

These next five weeks need to fly by.  This one is pretty jam-packed: Hornets game, Dinner with Laura Little, Jazz Fest, etc.... not to mention all of the events at school this week.  Despite that, this feels like the longest Monday ever.  

Please continue to pray that I can focus on finishing out the year properly, and getting these kids through the material they must get through.  Also pray that the funding would be available for me to get through the summer.  I'm doing a great job at being financially responsible right now, but the summer is when it must pay off.  

Also, pray for guidance in what I do with my life.  I like teaching, but I'm not so sure it is what I am supposed to do forever.  I would really like to work in ministry full time, but until I know that's a calling for me, I can't afford to jump into it without the money.  I have lots of loans to take care of.  

Workin' hard for the money

Going back to work is very difficult when you know it's coming to an end, and your eye is on the prize.

My kids can tell I'm not focused, which makes it even worse.  They don't want to do anything, and frankly, neither do I.  With only four weeks left, we have a lot to cover, but they have reached the point where they feel like, with only four weeks left, we shouldn't cover anything. 

It's frustrating.  Very frustrating.  I've given up on discipline though.  At this point, detention only serves as a waste of my time.  Punishwork is never complete, and honestly, I don't really feel like failing 20 students simply because they refuse to participate.  I'm just gonna go in, present the work, if they do it, great, if not, that's their problem, and if they choose to learn, then we will learn.  It is that simple. 

I am going to do my best over the next four weekends to get the house clean and get my stuff packed and ready to go.  I have a lot of work to do around here to get ready to leave.  I need to organize and figure out what things are worth keeping, and among those things, which will move with me.  It's overwhelming, but I have to get it done.  When I stop and think about where they are going, my desire to get organized comes back, and I am more driven.  

Five weeks from today, at this very hour, I will be on a plane.  I'm gonna be a part of it. 

I'll Be Back...

I love how God works sometimes.

I've been needing a pick-me-up, and a reminder of why I'm moving to New York.  A trip up there was the perfect way to do this, and boy oh boy did it change my plans.

Drastically. 

I've been trying to work out the details of my big move in my head, and the closer it got, the scarier it got.  When I landed at JFK, I was exhausted from having stayed up all night, then I had to fight the MTA as always to get to Ruth's to drop off my things.  I tend to doubt my desire to move to the city every time I get on the trains for the first time...  

As the day went on though, my exhausted delirious self began to change my opinion.  I had some quality time with Ruth, which I haven't had in a long time, and we got to talk about the joys of teaching.  Then I went into the city to show up at church, only to find out that no one was at church for the day.  I called Chris to come hang out with me, and while I waited on him, I sat in Thomkins Square Park, and it all started to come back to me.  The flowers were preparing to bloom, something I've never witnessed.  My first exposure to this park was in the middle of winter when there was NO vegetation, much less beautiful flowers. 

I had dinner with Chelsea, but by that point I could barely function.  I slept 12 hours that night...  

THEN the week really got started.  We found out that all of the Graffiti summer missionaries fell through.  This broke my heart.  We jokingly discussed the idea of having me come up for the summer, but I didn't think anything of it. 

The next day, I was waiting on the subway by myself, and admiring the people (if ever you ask me what is a must-do in the city, I will tell you people watching).  Suddenly, the wheels started turning (thank's God, I love how he does this!).  What if I saved every dime for the next month, and funded myself as a summer missionary!  No, that's not possible, right?  

Not only that, but that's only SIX WEEKS away, and I don't know that I'm ready to leave yet.... right??  

These thoughts stuck with me throughout the day, and for some reason, I kept thinking maybe God was telling me something.  I prayed about it a lot over the next couple of days, and what do you know, I started to feel comfortable with it.  So comfortable in fact that I couldn't imagine going back home and NOT coming back in a matter of weeks.  

So after much prayer, and consideration, I am now OFFICIALLY moving at the end of May.  Scary, yes.  Awesome and exciting, yes too.  

My flights kept getting cancelled before I ever even left for the airport, and I got an extra day in the city as a result.  A full 28 hours actually, which meant I got to stay for two days of after-school.  It was sooo worth it.  I may have missed a little bit more work than I would have liked, but God works in the most beautiful ways, and it even provided the opportunity for me to run into one of my favorite families at the airport before I left.  

Please keep praying that I will have the discipline to save my money, and that the doors will continue to open.  Please also pray for wisdom and guidance as I take this next step.  

Airports See it All the Time

I am, once again, at Louis Armstrong at 5:30 am waiting to go visit my home-away-from-home.

Or, future home...  

That sounds better. 

I love airports.  Though I'm usually anxious to get on the plane and get some sleep (for these 6 am flights, I pull an all-nighter so as not to oversleep and miss the plane), I love watching the people.  Airports are especially interesting when you are going to JFK.  Such an airport is the gateway to the world.  I like to try and figure out the final destinations of the others on my flight.  Many times, they are not going to New York, rather, they are stopping in on their way somewhere exciting.  

Sometimes they are going home to a place they miss sweetly (something I will learn of soon).  Sometimes, they are going away to visit a dear friend (something I do all the time).  

I am getting ready to board, so I must keep this one short.  Farewell dear void. 

And so it is...

I'm pretty sure losing a student in the middle of LEAP testing is one of the crappiest things that could happen.

Last night I got a call that the rumor around Westwego was that one of our students, one of my beloved First Period kids, had collapsed at the mall and died.  This is the class I have the best relationship with.  I hoped it was just rumor, and when I got to school, the principal hadn't heard yet, so I assumed it was just that.  

Then, when I told the principal what had been said, she called the mother, and confirmed that he had, in fact, died last night.  I knew my first period would be distraught, and saw some of them walking around in a daze.  I was very upset, and had some counselors come to my room since I knew the first people in here would be his class.  We decided to cancel testing for the day, since none of these kids would be capable of taking a Reading Comprehension test today.  

It was hard to see some of my most "macho" kids watery eyed and unable to talk.  After sitting in silence for about half an hour, I finally put on a movie so we could try to break the tension.  They kids are now talking and trying to refocus.  I keep hearing them tell stories about "Buck," as they called him.  He currently as a 100% average in my class, and I've never once had a behavior problem with him.  As a matter of fact, if I had to rank the top five students who give me joy, I definitely would have put him on it.  He was truly a joy to teach.  I brag about him to other teachers all the time.  

It's been a rough day, and I don't quite know how it's going to affect our test scores, but for now, we're coping the best we can.  Please be in prayer for our school today. 

Running Running Running

I've been running like a beast, and I LOVE it.  I'm literally in the best shape of my life.  I beat my GOAL time from high school, that, in three years of intense high school cross country training, I never reached.  Not only did I beat it, I beat it by twenty seconds.  I'm feeling pretty good. I look better than ever (size 6 feels GREAT!!), and I feel healthy.  I finally feel like I wouldn't be looked at like a crazy person if I got certified as a trainer.

After years of talking about it, I finally registered to actually run the Crescent City Classic. I was supposed to be in New York, but after a change in plane ticket, I will be in town for that Saturday.  Needless to say, I'm pretty psyched about it!  I wish I had friends who ran so someone would go along with me in it, but I guess just getting it finished will be enough of an accomplishment.  I haven't run a road race in about three years, and I've never run a 10K (well, not racing at least, I've done PLENTY of them at practice). My goal is not extremely high.  I'm only looking to finish it in about an hour, but I am super giddy about the next two weeks of training! 

Testing Testing Testing

It's testing time, and in grand Worley fashion, this whole testing thing is EXTREMELY disorganized.  They want us to bring up their scores, but about ten minutes before we were supposed to start this morning, we realized we didn't have enough calculators for the students who were supposed to be using them during the test.

Due to such errors, along with kids not being in the right rooms, our test started over an hour and a half late, and now, it's one oclock, and my kids are still sitting in my room, watching a movie, and starving because we haven't taken them to lunch yet.  I've been giving them all the candy I have trying to keep them quiet and help them fulfill their hunger.  It is sad, very sad.  

Testing time is super boring, but it's pretty uneventful, and I have nothing stressful to do. No lessons to plan, no copies to make.  Just watch movies, color coloring sheets, and feed them lots of candy and popcorn.  Maybe once or twice we'll play a game. 

Anyway, I'm interested to see how this whole thing pans out, and after it's all done, it's Crescent City Classic time, as well as Easter with the family, and then NEW YORK.  Gosh I miss those people. 

Getting near to the end

After a few rough weeks, my confidence in my job choice is once again restored.  I think I'm going to be playing this roller-coaster game for a while.  They say the first couple of years are really tough, but I don't know that I'm supposed to doubt my career choice as often as I do.

These first few months are very difficult.  I'm gotten through the worst of it though, and now it should be downhill.  We have testing this week, and our kids have to bust it to help our school get up to its required performance score before going into corrective action.  They kids all seem to have given up, and we're all trying to be confident in an effort to make them want to try.  I think they can do it, I just don't think they believe in themselves.  It's a bit of a paradox. 

As far as coping with the day-to-day stresses, I've begun trying a variety of things to keep me sane.  My grandfather keeps reminding me that there's no such thing as the perfect job, and if there was, everyone would be doing it.  I have to keep that in the back of my mind when I am grading tests and they've all failed something I've gone over with them hundreds of times, or when I feel as though my classroom management skills will never be up to par.  There's no perfect job, so I have to do the best I can to excel at the one I have.  

I have also been making it a point to leave work in the walls of my classroom.  No more bringing it home every afternoon and over the weekend.  No more thinking about it day-in and day-out.  I often stay at school until five to make this possible, but when I drive out of that gate, my work for the day is done.  I can go to the gym/visit friends/eat dinner in peace.  I also make it a point to put away the computer before bed and watch an episode of Friends.  It's become a half-hour each night that I look forward to all the time.  

In college I made a habit of making Thursday nights MINE, no matter what I need to accomplish.  I've gotten back into that habit, only now I've got Jess in on it.  Each Thursday, we go out and enjoy each other's company, and we are not, under any circumstances, allowed to talk about my job.  

Things are looking up, and I'm enjoying my renewed optimism. 

So I obviously haven't done this in a while

In my last post, I talked about how much I loved my job.

I now have a different outlook.

It takes all of the willpower and faith that I have to get up and go to work every day. These kids truly don't care, and no matter how much care I pour into them, Im still ending the nine weeks grading period with more Fs than I could ever imagine. It's depressing, and it makes me feel that I am not doing my job right.

The thing is, I'm doing EVERYTHING I possibly can. I worry about how some of their grades have dropped so dramatically after the last nine weeks, and that I might be my fault, but I truly am doing all that I can do to get through to them. I have pulled out all the stops.

I don't like being responsible for 150 people all the time. It's exhausting. My blood pressure is through the roof, and my blood sugar is through the floor. I'm seriously exploring new career paths, including a new path to New York this summer.

This whole working at a low-income, underperforming school is not all happy Hillary Swank, Michelle Phiefer and roses. It's hard, and it's not about the teachers, at all. I need a new job. Today.

I'm Really Falling In Love With What I Do

Now that I'm establishing some routine, and I'm getting into preparing lessons and such, I am falling in love with this job.

The other day I was putting grades in the system while sitting at home watching TV, and I was remembering little things about each kid as I did it.  I realized that most of my children have at least ONE thing that I adore about them, even the ones that frustrate the heck out of me.  

Yes I have kids who have a zero average in my class even after a make-up day.  Yes I have kids who have yet to listen to a word I say, but I am doing the best I can in that respect.  I have some great ideas for lessons to come, and I'm looking forward to the next few months. 

The people I work with are fantastic and supportive, and I am blessed to be in such an environment.  

I've begun going for Uptown runs just about every afternoon.  In these runs, I get a chance to reflect on all of the wonderful things I've been handed.  I was born in the greatest city in America, and for that I am thankful.  I have the opportunity to go to to a new city this summer where I have a church that has changed my life.  I have a job that is both fulfilling and exciting.  

Really, it just doesn't get much better than this. 

This is why I read about Jesus

I've been making it a goal of mine to focus on being Jesus-like to my students.  I try to do this is all aspects of life, but its especially difficult when it comes to my students.

Since I usually am exhausted at night, and have trouble waking extra early in the morning, I really have to make it a conscious effort to read my Bible daily and see what lessons I can learn from Jesus, and isn't it amazing how I always can get something out of it... gee, what a concept!

I've been struggling lately with maintaining my passion for reaching out to the students who need it most.  I'm good with those who need help dealing with problems and just need a shoulder to cry on or someone to talk to, but its those kids who don't want to learn that I have the difficulty with.  I've gotten so spoiled with teaching the gifted kids, that I've been thinking about going that route for the rest of my career.  These kids who don't care are truly a challenge.  

Then I was reading this morning and came across the following verse:

"It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick.  I come not to call the righteous, but the sinners"

It once again opened my eyes to the passion I set out with when I chose that career.  It is not the smart kids who make 'A's who really need the help, it is those kids who are striving for someone to open their eyes without even realizing it.  

Thank you Jesus for words of wisdom, once again.

Hope

I am sitting in my  class watching the inauguration.

The whole school is watching I am in awe.  I don't remember watching the Bush inauguration, but I do remember Clinton.  Sadly though, Clinton was so long ago I don't have a strong memory of it. 

I love presidents.  In any way shape or form, whether I agree with them or not, i love to study presidents.  This particular one is growing on me more and more.  Something about him reminds me of Kennedy, and well, I love Kennedy. Always have.  

Okay, lots of things about him remind me of Kennedy.  

Maybe he'll suggest we go back to the moon...  I'd be in on that.  

I wish my kids cared as much as I did about what he has to say.  For now, I'm intrigued, and excited.  I can't wait to see what "change" there will be.  

High stress, much love

I have a highly stressful job.

It is a given in the education world.  It is a job that has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with everyone else.  

You are not only accountable to yourself, but you are accountable to your school, your system, your state, and most of all, your students. 

This creates a highly stressful situation.  If I screw up, I screw up for a whole lot of people. 

I'm learning how to get through to my students, but it is hard, and I have no idea how I'm going to get them through the rest of the curriculum by the end of the year at the rate at which they are learning.  

They don't pay attention, and sadly, the fact that those who pay attention aren't learning anything is almost out of my control.  

In the process of this stress, combined with last semester, I've lost a grand total of twenty-five pounds, and two pants sizes.  Not two DRESS sizes, two PANTS sizes (girls, you know the difference).  I don't see the gradual decrease changing either.  

This is a side effect of stress I'm okay with.  

Through all of this, I do love my job, despite the fact that I haven't gotten paid for any of it yet and am highly broke.  My kids, even the bad ones, bring me joy and a sense of accomplishment.  If all I get to do is make them smile, then I feel I've done something.  

I am starting to see the light in all of this craziness.